IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#children #school #teachers #influence #parents #development
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It is considered that nowadays
students
 are too much
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 by
teachers
 on their cognitive skills and communal development when they go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
. I completely agree with
this
 opinion and think that it is a vital issue for growing a community.
To begin
 with,
school
 is the crucial place where
children
 can retain
huge
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apply
show examples
knowledge from their course teacher who is the most valuable person in our society.
This
 is because, when a student goes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
, they can connect to the teacher without any difficulties
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 would boost
to
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apply
show examples
the individual student
for
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to
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 creating extra curriculum activities.
For example
,
adult
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an adult
the adult
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 generation
who
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apply
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might be engaged
with
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in
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 several social works
such
 as
,
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apply
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 tree plantation,
protect
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protecting
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 environment pollution and
arrange
Wrong verb form
arranging
show examples
 public awareness
program
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programs
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that
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apply
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they can be guided by
teachers
.
Therefore
,
school
 teacher plays a significant role
to produce
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in producing
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 a talented child who may
be assist
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assist
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 not only his family but
also
 their
neighborhood’s
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neighbourhood’s
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 daily activities.
On the other hand
,
children
 can expand their mental growth much better from
teachers
 rather than parents because
teachers
 can communicate with
students
 to use a lot of techniques that’s why
students
 may
be easily develop
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easily develop
show examples
 their learning proficiency.
Secondly
,
students
are stay
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stay
show examples
 in the
school
 area with proctors
approximately
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for approximately
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 6 to 7 hours which is the main time to improve their knowledge
as well as
enlargement
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enlarge
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 their mental capacity.
For instance
, in 2010 in Bangladesh, a mental growth and development institution provided
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 which was average
85
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of 85
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
children
 in our country
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
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 very active and supportive
due to
 the progress and cooperative
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of our
teachers
.
Thus
,
teachers
 have to
helpful
Add a missing verb
be helpful
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 building a responsible
person
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people
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to
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in
show examples
 our society
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is very essential for a nation. In conclusion, I strongly believe that,
although
 parents can monitor their
children
 in the home,
but
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apply
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school
 is the best location where
children’s
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children
show examples
 can be regulated by
teachers
 on their rational thinking and social activities.
Submitted by belmontsy01 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, you can improve the coherence and cohesion by better organizing your ideas and ensuring that each paragraph conveys one main point clearly.
Task Achievement
To achieve a higher score in Task Achievement, strengthen your arguments with more specific examples and evidence. You can support your main points with data, studies, or relevant expert opinions.
Grammar and Lexical Resource
There are occasional grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly impede the overall readability. Consider refining your language usage and sentence structure for better clarity.
Introduction
The introduction provides a clear statement of your position which sets the stage for the essay.
Task Achievement
You have provided relevant arguments and examples that support your position.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your position on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Structured learning environment
  • Cognitive skills
  • Social interactions
  • Pedagogical techniques
  • Moral values
  • Emotional well-being
  • Complementary roles
  • Academic and social education
  • Individualized attention
  • Life skills training
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