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Writing Samples
Band 5

Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is considered that nowadays
students
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 are too much
effected
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affected
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 by
teachers
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 on their cognitive skills and communal development when they go to
the
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apply
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school
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. I completely agree with
this
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 opinion and think that it is a vital issue for growing a community.
To begin
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 with,
school
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 is the crucial place where
children
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 can retain
huge
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apply
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knowledge from their course teacher who is the most valuable person in our society.
This
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 is because, when a student goes to
the
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apply
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school
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, they can connect to the teacher without any difficulties
that
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which
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 would boost
to
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apply
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the individual student
for
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to
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 creating extra curriculum activities.
For example
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,
adult
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an adult
the adult
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 generation
who
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apply
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might be engaged
with
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in
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 several social works
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 tree plantation,
protect
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protecting
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 environment pollution and
arrange
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arranging
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 public awareness
program
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programs
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that
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apply
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they can be guided by
teachers
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.
Therefore
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,
school
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 teacher plays a significant role
to produce
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in producing
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 a talented child who may
be assist
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assist
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 not only his family but
also
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 their
neighborhood’s
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neighbourhood’s
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 daily activities.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 can expand their mental growth much better from
teachers
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 rather than parents because
teachers
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 can communicate with
students
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 to use a lot of techniques that’s why
students
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 may
be easily develop
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easily develop
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 their learning proficiency.
Secondly
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,
students
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are stay
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stay
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 in the
school
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 area with proctors
approximately
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for approximately
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 6 to 7 hours which is the main time to improve their knowledge
as well as
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enlargement
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enlarge
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 their mental capacity.
For instance
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, in 2010 in Bangladesh, a mental growth and development institution provided
an information
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information
a piece of information
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 which was average
85
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of 85
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percent
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per cent
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 of the
children
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 in our country
were
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who were
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 very active and supportive
due to
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 the progress and cooperative
behavior
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behaviour
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 of our
teachers
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.
Thus
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,
teachers
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 have to
helpful
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be helpful
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for
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in
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 building a responsible
person
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people
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to
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in
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 our society
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that
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which
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 is very essential for a nation. In conclusion, I strongly believe that,
although
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 parents can monitor their
children
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 in the home,
but
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apply
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school
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 is the best location where
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children’s
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children
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 can be regulated by
teachers
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 on their rational thinking and social activities.

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Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, you can improve the coherence and cohesion by better organizing your ideas and ensuring that each paragraph conveys one main point clearly.
Task Achievement
To achieve a higher score in Task Achievement, strengthen your arguments with more specific examples and evidence. You can support your main points with data, studies, or relevant expert opinions.
Grammar and Lexical Resource
There are occasional grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly impede the overall readability. Consider refining your language usage and sentence structure for better clarity.
Introduction
The introduction provides a clear statement of your position which sets the stage for the essay.
Task Achievement
You have provided relevant arguments and examples that support your position.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your position on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Structured learning environment
  • Cognitive skills
  • Social interactions
  • Pedagogical techniques
  • Moral values
  • Emotional well-being
  • Complementary roles
  • Academic and social education
  • Individualized attention
  • Life skills training
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