THE WORLD TODAY IS A SAFER PLACE THAN IT WAS A HUNDRED YEARS AGO, AND GOVERNMENT SHOULD STOP SPENDING LARGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY ON THEIR ARMED FORCES. To what extent do you agree.
It is often believed that the
government
should reduce investment in armed forces Use synonyms
due to
the improvement of safety in modern life from a hundred years ago. I partially agree with Linking Words
this
, for the general promotion of Linking Words
peace
around the world regardless of some deadly conflicts that still take place, making it important for the authorities to spend Use synonyms
money
on armies for protection.
On the one hand, the larger amount of Use synonyms
money
spent by the Use synonyms
government
is no longer necessary with the increasing awareness toward Use synonyms
peace
in current societies. Use synonyms
In other words
, there are a number of acts to promote harmony and cooperation as Linking Words
people
come to accept their differences to respect each other. Use synonyms
For instance
, an international festival called "nagomu" has been held in Kanagawa in Japan since 1998 to encourage Linking Words
people
to participate in traditional events where they can learn unique fashions Use synonyms
as well as
cuisines of diverse cultures. Linking Words
Therefore
, the fact that many Linking Words
people
tend to regard national differences as something positive and stimulating through Use synonyms
such
opportunities will reduce the role of militaries in the future.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, the Linking Words
government
is still expected to spend a large amount of Use synonyms
money
to conquer the growing tensions between different nations. Indeed, there is a rising sense of insecurity as Use synonyms
people
face numerous global issues which include the accelerating depletion of natural fuels and food resources Use synonyms
as well as
the rising global temperatures and expansion of deserts. Linking Words
Furthermore
, these problems lead to the poverty of many Linking Words
people
and frequent international conflicts, causing more deaths and injuries. Use synonyms
Thus
, the Linking Words
government
's ability to battle against other countries to protect Use synonyms
safety
and Correct article usage
the safety
peace
of the citizens should be well maintained, making the investment significant.
In conclusion, I somewhat agree that the incredible amount of Use synonyms
money
for armies is not necessary as more Use synonyms
people
have a shared view of Use synonyms
peace
and cooperation. Use synonyms
However
, the greater possibilities for war in the severe situations on Earth make the investment important.Linking Words
Submitted by mizuho on
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task achievement
Consider strengthening your main points with more specific examples or statistical data. This can make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all ideas are directly relevant to the topic. While your points about peace and international festivals are relevant, linking them more clearly to your main argument can improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay with a clear statement of your position.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the arguments and provides a balanced view, matching the introduction's stance.
task achievement
The points are generally clear and relevant to the topic, and the structure follows a logical sequence.