Some people think adults should give children freedom to make mistakes. Others think adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is a debate about teaching
children
the way between giving
children
freedom
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
preventing
children
from making
mistakes
. In
this
essay, both viewpoints will be discussed and I am going to give my personal opinion through my knowledge and experiences. On the one hand, there are two reasons why many individuals argue that parents should give their kids the
freedom
to make
mistakes
. First of all, when teenagers have
freedom
, they may be more independent.
Due to
having more chances to try everything they want,
children
will have some experience.
As a consequence
, teenagers can learn some skills from their
mistakes
including finding solutions, being calm, and planning projects which are some crucial skills if they want to be successful in the future.
Secondly
, youngsters will be mature when adults should give
children
the
freedom
to make
mistakes
. The youth generation has to take responsibility for their ability,
therefore
, they may make some prudent and judicious selections in the future.
On the other hand
, many people assume that adults need to avoid
children
from making
mistakes
according
Change preposition
for
show examples
two reasons.
Firstly
, kids can make some serious decisions. Because they are not old enough to make the right choices, it is extremely difficult for them to make the right decisions.
For example
, if youngsters make some serious
mistakes
such
as betting, using alcohol, or watching pron videos, they may become addicted and it is very difficult for their parents to solve these cases.
In addition
, parents who have some valuable experiences and knowledge need to advise their
children
instead
of giving teenagers
freedom
.
Children
still have some valuable experiences without trying, so they can develop themself quickly than their peer. In conclusion,
although
some people think the best way to help their
children
to be mature and successful in the future is
preventing
Change preposition
by preventing
show examples
children
from making
mistakes
, I strongly believe that adults should give young people the
freedom
to make
mistakes
since kids will be independent and make some circumspect and sensible choices.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, try to use transition words and phrases more consistently to connect your ideas. This will help your essay flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing. For instance, provide real-life scenarios where children learned valuable lessons from their mistakes.
task achievement
Make sure to clarify and elaborate on some of your ideas. Some points could be expanded to give more depth to your arguments. For example, you could explain what you mean by children becoming more 'mature' or making 'prudent and judicious selections'.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic thoroughly by discussing both views and providing your opinion. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.

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