Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, the government should prioritise health care. Others think that there are more important priorities for tax-payers’ money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

One school of thought holds that the government should take priority on

healthcare

Use synonyms

issues when allocating

taxes

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

others are of the opinion that

this

Linking Words

resource should be leveraged wisely in considering other sectors.

This

Linking Words

essay will examine both viewpoints before concluding that I lean towards the latter. Admittedly, there are some compelling reasons why some advocate the belief that money collected from

taxes

Use synonyms

should be spent on

health

Use synonyms

care. The key rationale is that individuals are becoming more serious about their

health

Use synonyms

problems and they deserve high-quality

healthcare

Use synonyms

services for their contributions to the country. Since private

health

Use synonyms

care might be unaffordable for households and public services might be overloaded,

which

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

reduces the accessibility of dwellers from rural areas to have their

health

Use synonyms

check-up

Fix the agreement mistake

check-ups

show examples

frequently.

Therefore

Linking Words

, focusing on

healthcare

Use synonyms

for example

Linking Words

, improving

infirmary

Fix the agreement mistake

infirmaries

show examples

in underprivileged areas and equipping up-to-date technologies

as well as

Linking Words

facilities in hospitals will make them be able to welcome more patients with different requirements.

As a result

Linking Words

, the general public could be healthier

due to

Linking Words

more accessible

Use synonyms

health care

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

services and bring about a productive workforce for the country in the long term. Despite the aforementioned arguments, I side with those who assert that there are various crucial sectors that should be taken into consideration when the government leverages

taxes

Use synonyms

. It is undeniable that education plays an important role in forming a potential and creative labour force that contributes to the development of a country. A well-educated generation can have high awareness about their

health

Use synonyms

by being taught at schools or through national campaigns,

therefore

Linking Words

it could reduce the risk of suffering from illnesses.

For example

Linking Words

, obesity is on the increase but it might be avoidable if people can restrict the amount of unhealthy food consumption and follow a healthy routine, including exercising.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the military is an essential sector that every nation prioritises since there are many scarce resources and lands being threatened.

Therefore

Linking Words

, ensuring a safe condition for its residents will be conducive to economic growth and maintaining its sovereignty as it is, contributing to a

prosperity

Replace the word

prosperous

show examples

and strong nation. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

I acknowledge

the

Correct your spelling

that

show examples

government spending on

healthcare

Use synonyms

will confer upon the public a positive impact on their

healths

Fix the agreement mistake

health

show examples

, I am more convinced that the

long term

Add a hyphen

long-term

show examples

benefits to a nation by allocating

taxes

Use synonyms

on education and

military

Correct article usage

the military

show examples

should not be underestimated.

kkhanhnhitr0801

Aug 4, 2024

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task achievement

Make sure that each viewpoint discussed in the essay is balanced in terms of the depth of discussion. The first body paragraph could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen the argument for prioritizing healthcare.

coherence cohesion

Try to further improve the connection between the points and the overall structure of the essay. Although effective, linking sentences and words could make transitions even smoother.

task achievement

The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, effectively discussing both sides of the argument and giving a well-reasoned opinion.

coherence cohesion

Logical structure is well maintained throughout the essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing both views, and a conclusion that summarizes the discussion and presents the writer's opinion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

391 words

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Word Count

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