It is the responsibility of individuals to save and provide for their own retirement. Governments have no obligation to provide this benefit. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
Although
Medicine is a field which has a myriad of branches with a lot of fascinating and impressive ways of studying it, one of the most awe-inspiring characteristics is, without a doubt, its well-balanced relationship among natural, formal and social sciences. This
mixture leads to a wide spectrum of complex stumbling blocks which requires an appropriate combination of curiosity and multidisciplinarity to solve them. From a very early age, this
aroused my interest and prompted me to study not only the structure of the human body and physiology but also
the mechanisms of pathogenesis with the respective treatments.
My Bachelor’s Degree in Medical Science (Medical Doctor, MD), which was studied at Universidad Militar Nueva Granada in Bogotá, Colombia, was a complete training in both clinical and research
fields using analytical methods as well as
evidence-based medicine techniques. The integration of these aspects along with
acquiring the basic knowledge about natural sciences, such
as cellular biology, biophysics, biochemistry, anatomy, histology, etc, showed me how perfect the functionality and homeostasis of human beings is.
Over time, my career interests in the research
field constantly increased. In the beginning, they were focused on Stem Cells and Bioethics, taking an elective course for three years related to these branches in which there were theoretical and practical immersive sessions. Hence
, exploring deeper into the most specific literacy and research
done from ancient times to the present day as well as
learning cutting-edge techniques about cultures, analysis, and methodology, finally
being part of the ‘BioGenEtica Research
Group’ at the afore-mentioned University. After that, my experience broadened to other topics linked to microbiology and parasitology, researching mainly diseases caused by helminths and protozoa that affect children in Colombia. These projects have been presented at several not only national but also
international symposiums and conferences as well as
have been published in indexed journals.Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on
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task achievement
The main issue noted is that while the essay is highly detailed and well-written, it doesn't seem to directly address the given topic about whether individuals or governments should be responsible for retirement provisions. Thus, you should focus more explicitly on discussing the responsibilities of individuals and governments in regards to retirement.
coherence cohesion
Consider restructuring some of the paragraphs to ensure that your main points are immediately clear to the reader. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that indicates the main idea.
content
Your essay exhibits a high level of detailed knowledge and understanding of medical science, along with a clear demonstration of your passion for the subject.
coherence
The sentences flow logically and cohesively, making for a very readable and engaging piece.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.