Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Owing to the controversial issue of environmental challenges, some believe that the priority
outght
Correct your spelling
ought
to be given to the extinction of specific types of plants and
animals
,
while
others mention that we should draw our attention to more imminent dangers. I strongly agree with the second group and argue that all
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
should be focused on the mortal
pollution
problem. On the one hand, it is understandable that we as humans have an obligation to prevent
animals
and plants
disappear
Change preposition
from disappearing
show examples
from the earth’s surface.
Furthermore
, the disappearance
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
certain plants and
animals
will cause a perilous loss in diversity of species on our planet.
Nevertheless
,
this
phenemenon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
can bring about
disfunctions
Correct your spelling
dysfunctions
dysfunction
in the standard procedures of our ecosystem. Meanwhile,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
we not only can witness pernicious effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the environment, but
also
it has hazardous ramifications for human beings.
For example
, humans eat certain
animals
and if the species which these
animals
receive their nutrients from
go
Change the form of the verb
going
show examples
extinct, human life can suffer and be the unintentional casualty of
this
process.
On the other hand
, another important point to consider is that our attention ought not to be diverted from the immediate and
imment
Correct your spelling
imminent
immanent
immense
environmental threats, namely the futile
pollution
. It is
for
this
reason that the suffocating air
pollution
, the mortal soil
pollution
and the extremely threatening water
pollution
should be given the top priority.
Moreover
, they are not just detrimental to human lifestyle, but
also
from a more holistic approach,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
can bring about devastating and unbearable costs to the healthcare system.
For example
, the fruits and
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
being consumed
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
are being affected by all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
three types of aforementioned
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
and cause various illnesses. All and all, I rang the alarm bell for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
demand
Wrong verb form
demanded
show examples
the government to put combating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
on top of its working agenda. In conclusion, I unequivocally am of the belief that air, soil and water
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
constitute an existential threat not just to the environment, but
also
to the human civilization on earth.
Notwhithstanding
Correct your spelling
Notwithstanding
the past efforts, governments are required to concentrate
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
imminent danger and endorse combating
pullution
Correct your spelling
pollution
in their official programs.
Submitted by sajjad.talebi2020 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the coherence within paragraphs. Some ideas were slightly unclear or disjointed, which affected the smooth flow of information.
task achievement
Include more specific examples that illustrate your points clearly. This can help to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
language
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and vocabulary usage. Sometimes using the wrong word can make it harder for the reader to understand your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the overall discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points were well-supported, showing a good understanding of the topic and an ability to build logical arguments.
task achievement
The task response was comprehensive and addressed both sides of the argument before giving a personal opinion.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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