IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days numerous
paretns
Correct your spelling
parents
 are letting their children
to
Change the verb form
apply
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use electronic
devices
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as computers and tablets to learn technological aspects.
To begin
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, computers and tablets give a wide range of information, leading to an
improve
Replace the word
improvement
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 in terms of knowledge. In my opinion,
cons
Correct article usage
the cons
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 of
this
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 development
outweight
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outweigh
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
. One of the main negatives is that skills from
devices
Use synonyms
 could yield
to
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apply
show examples
addiction for teenagers as they provide various games and videos.
For example
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, there are more than 40000
of
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apply
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online games and 1000000
contents
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content
show examples
 in the media currently.
Hence
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,
younge
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young
 users would
be
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apply
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easily get used to these repetitive tasks,
yielding
Verb problem
causing
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 them to click on different contents without hesitation.
This
Linking Words
 may
also
Linking Words
 affect
chilldren
Correct your spelling
children
 to get away from education as it does not give the same enjoyment, so teenagers merely stay in the house with
devices
Use synonyms
 by themselves, leading to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social anxiety.
However
Linking Words
, children could use
devices
Use synonyms
 in the form of learning
souces
Correct your spelling
sources
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 for their education.
For instance
Linking Words
, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a large number of
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 by professionals to improve their performances
wihtout
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without
 any
further
Linking Words
 costs.
This
Linking Words
 improves the students' potential significantly since they
recognitse
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recognise
 different approaches
of
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to
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 gaining symmetric information.
Therefore
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,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 skill of data sciences is
enhenced
Correct your spelling
enhanced
 dramatically from online in
early
Correct article usage
the early
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 stage, so
this
Linking Words
 would stand out during job
applicationin
Correct your spelling
application in
the
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in the
show examples
 future. In conclusion,
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the drabacks
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drabacks
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drawbacks
 of having social problems and demotivation of
leaning
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learning
show examples
 outweigh
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of widening the future potential.
This
Linking Words
 could give more
times
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time
show examples
 to their parents, but it would harm children indirectly.

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task achievement
The essay presents a relevant response to the task and addresses both advantages and disadvantages. However, some points could be more developed with specific examples and further explanation to create a more compelling argument.
task achievement
Work on eliminating minor spelling and grammatical errors to improve clarity and readability. Also, ensure that each point is well-supported with specific examples and detailed explanations where necessary.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, transitioning between ideas can be smoother. Use linking words and phrases to ensure better flow and connection between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Some points, such as the idea that using computers and tablets can lead to addiction, are introduced but not fully expanded upon. Developing this idea further with more examples or evidence would strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The response clearly addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of allowing children to use electronic devices. This shows a balanced view and understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow the writer's line of thought.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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