Large companies often use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this hurts sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that
athletes
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take part in commercials in order to advertise large
companies
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' products.
Although
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sportsmen's cooperation in advertising is accepted by some individuals, it has its own opponents. I strongly agree with it and
also
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I believe that not only can it financially benefit
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sports
Correct article usage
the sports
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sector, but
also
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it can bring more popularity and fame to
athletes
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. First of all, advertising for large
companies
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provides considerable funds for
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sports
Correct article usage
the sports
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population. It is evident that successful
sport
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sports
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teams mostly need sponsors to afford their expenses, from various game entrances to clothing and special diets.
For
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this
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reason, having an affluent sponsor by their side can guarantee a better performance in
sports
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events. In
this
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case, if
athletes
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agree to participate in commercials,
companies
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will pay for their expenses and that would be a win-win for both sides. Another indication is that by advertising well-known
companies
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' products,
athletes
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can be seen more in public. There are many
sports
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that regardless of their several achievements, are neglected in the public eye and they are not getting enough credits as they deserve.
Thus
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, by taking part in
such
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activities, they would get a chance to shine and
appreciated
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be appreciated
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by society.
For instance
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, in Iran, people were not informed about women's Whusu , which has won many medals over the years, until one of the
athletes
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,Shahrbano Mansorian, advertised for one of the food
companies
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and out of a sudden they became famous. These days, many people know her and follow their victories. In conclusion, the cooperation of
companies
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and sport can be rewarding for both. Large
companies
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can be decent sponsors for
sports
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teams and assist them with expenses
as well as
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giving them an opportunity to be seen by people.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
While the essay is well-structured, ensure you explicitly address the opposing viewpoint on how commercialization might harm sports. This can provide a more balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences need minor adjustment for clarity. For example, 'sports population' could be better expressed as 'sports community' or 'athletes'.
task achievement
The essay is very clear and concise, and it provides strong and relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both well-written and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
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