Large companies often use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this hurts sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that
athletes
take part in commercials in order to advertise large
companies
' products.
Although
sportsmen's cooperation in advertising is accepted by some individuals, it has its own opponents. I strongly agree with it and
also
I believe that not only can it financially benefit
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
show examples
sector, but
also
it can bring more popularity and fame to
athletes
. First of all, advertising for large
companies
provides considerable funds for
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
show examples
population. It is evident that successful
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
teams mostly need sponsors to afford their expenses, from various game entrances to clothing and special diets.
For
this
reason, having an affluent sponsor by their side can guarantee a better performance in
sports
events. In
this
case, if
athletes
agree to participate in commercials,
companies
will pay for their expenses and that would be a win-win for both sides. Another indication is that by advertising well-known
companies
' products,
athletes
can be seen more in public. There are many
sports
that regardless of their several achievements, are neglected in the public eye and they are not getting enough credits as they deserve.
Thus
, by taking part in
such
activities, they would get a chance to shine and
appreciated
Add a missing verb
be appreciated
show examples
by society.
For instance
, in Iran, people were not informed about women's Whusu , which has won many medals over the years, until one of the
athletes
,Shahrbano Mansorian, advertised for one of the food
companies
and out of a sudden they became famous. These days, many people know her and follow their victories. In conclusion, the cooperation of
companies
and sport can be rewarding for both. Large
companies
can be decent sponsors for
sports
teams and assist them with expenses
as well as
giving them an opportunity to be seen by people.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay is well-structured, ensure you explicitly address the opposing viewpoint on how commercialization might harm sports. This can provide a more balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences need minor adjustment for clarity. For example, 'sports population' could be better expressed as 'sports community' or 'athletes'.
task achievement
The essay is very clear and concise, and it provides strong and relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both well-written and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: