IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Can you provide an example of someone who works for reasons other than financial gain?

#someone #works #gain
Many peoples
works
Change the verb form
work
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 to earn
money
 and live their
live
Replace the word
lives
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 easily. but there are some peoples who
work
 not just for
money
 but for other reasons as well.
Firstly
, There are
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 for
them
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money
 is not
such
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important factor and they
work
 for humanity or may
work
free
Change preposition
for free
show examples
 for their passion. Let me share an example, Dr Anas in my country runs one of the most famous
organization
Change to a plural noun
organizations
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 known as JDC which is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 welfare organization so,
this
 organization manages and
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 care of all the needy people and
also
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 and he lives
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 small house.
AlsO
Correct your spelling
Also
show examples
, many people
work
free
Change preposition
for free
show examples
 or
work
Verb problem
apply
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for less
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
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 in order to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 their passion and their contribution towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion, Every human has different
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 of life and has different actions towards the job and
money
.
Submitted by shahroz99dev on

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grammar
Ensure grammatical accuracy and vary sentence structure to make your essay more readable. There are several grammatical issues that need correction.
clarity
Try to expand your ideas more clearly and in detail. This will help in making your points stronger and more understandable.
cohesion
Attempt to use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will improve the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic by providing reasons beyond financial gain for why people work.
task achievement
The example of Dr. Anas is relevant and effectively illustrates the idea of working for reasons other than financial gain.
coherence cohesion
There is an introduction and a conclusion, which contributes to the essay’s structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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