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Writing Samples
Band 5

over population in many major urban centres around the world is a major problem.what are the causes of this?How can this problem be solved?

#population #centres #world
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Increasing
Correct article usage
The increasing
show examples
 population in various major
cities
 across the globe is posing serious concerns.
This
 essay will discuss how
provision
Add an article
the provision
show examples
 of
health
 facilities and advanced
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 draws masses toward city
areas
 and
then
 argue how
estabilishing
Correct your spelling
establishing
 of
well equipped
Add a hyphen
well-equipped
show examples
 hospitals and uniform
education
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 across the country can be the most viable solutions. The significant causes why urban
areas
 are being densely populated are the migration of people from
far off
Add a hyphen
far-off
show examples
 places to the
cities
 in order to enjoy better
health
 facilities and acquire admission in
well recognize
Correct your spelling
well-recognised
show examples
 educational institutes there.
This
 is because in distant places there are no
such
 reliable doctors and laboratories on which people can rely
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for the sake of their
health
 .
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments across the world spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
huge budgets
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 developing and maintaining high
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
 in urban
areas
 only.To illustrate,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 research conducted in India depicted that around 90% of institutes that offer higher
eduacation
Correct your spelling
education
 were only available in major
cities
 of India . The most
prodcutive
Correct your spelling
productive
 solutions to these causes are
provision
Add an article
the provision
show examples
 of
modern day
Add a hyphen
modern-day
show examples
health
 facilities and
Correct article usage
the estabilashement
show examples
estabilashement
Correct your spelling
establishment
 of
sub campuses
Add a hyphen
sub-campuses
show examples
 of the universities that
are providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 level of
education
 in the
cities
 should
also
 in the remote
areas
 as well.As citizens will have access to main hospitals and pharmacies
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
don"t
Correct your spelling
don't
 have to move toward the
cities
.
In addition
 to that when advanced and equal
education
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 made available in the villages ,pupils will feel fully satisfied for themselves and their upcoming generations to stay in their native land
instead
 of shifting toward the
cities
.
For example
, Canada where
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 is uniform across the
cities
 and villages has
equal
Change the article
an equal
the equal
show examples
 number of colleges in the rural
areas
 as in its main
cities
 .
To conclude
,people for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to reliable medical treatment and promising
education
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 move toward the
cities
 leaving them extremely populated .
This
 can be overcome by making sure that the citizens are equally
accomodated
Correct your spelling
accommodated
 in terms of
health
 and
education
 where so over they dwell .
Submitted by ab.03012464323 on

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task achievement
Try to ensure that every main point is fully elaborated with examples and detailed explanations to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structures to improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Include transitional phrases more frequently to enhance the connectivity between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, which help clarify the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and adequately frame the discussion.
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