There are a lot of people believing that taking risks is essential for achieving success in their professional and personal lives. I agree with this view, but i also suppose that taking risks needs to be done with caution.

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There are a lot of
people
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believing that taking
risks
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is essential for achieving success in their professional and personal lives. I agree with
this
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view, but
i
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I
show examples
also
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suppose that taking
risks
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needs to be done with caution. On the one hand, there are some cases in which taking
risks
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is unacceptable.
For example
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, some positions require accuracy and responsibility, like a surgeon,
this
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is because a minor mistake can easily lead to several negative consequences or even can not be repaired.
Thus
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, surgeons have to follow strict standards and processes in order to ensure the safety of their work and professional quality.
On the other hand
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, making risky choices brings a lot of beneficial opportunities in many aspects of our lives, even a significant life-changing.
For example
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, if someone decides to take a higher duty, the more obstacles they face and learn from experience, the more achievement and self-development they gain.
In addition
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, perhaps chances will come but once,
therefore
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, it only brings success for
people
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who are willing to take
risks
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.
For instance
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, Howard Schultz transformed Starbucks from a Seattle store into a global coffee empire, overcoming initial resistance despite many
people
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remaining
skeptical
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sceptical
show examples
about his choice. In conclusion, I believe that the benefits of taking
risks
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outweigh the drawbacks.
Nevertheless
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,
while
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risk-taking undeniably has a vital role in our lives as it assists
people
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to reach their potential and achieve their goals, depending on how they approach it, it
also
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can be a drawback.
Submitted by weezel on

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task response
Consider expanding on your introduction to more clearly outline the arguments you will present in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. For example, using phrases such as 'Additionally' or 'Moreover' can help with flow.
task response
Provide additional details or examples to further support your points and make your arguments more comprehensive.
task response
Your essay clearly presents both sides of the argument and provides a balanced view.
task response
The examples you included are relevant and add depth to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively state your stance on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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