Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
In order to achieve a peaceful and safe community
children
must be taught from a young age how to be good members of society. Some people believe that parents
should be responsible of
Change the preposition
for
such
education
because teaching manners should be done throughout childhood and adolescent years. Others argue that societal education
should be taught at school because not all parents
are eligible to teach their children
.I believe that parents
should be held responsible for such
matters
since they are considered a part of bringing up children
.
On one hand, manners are not simply taught, they are engraved into a person's mind. That's why parents
must educate their children
from a young age. To be a good member in
society means to be truthful, honest, Change preposition
of
reliable
. Correct word choice
and reliable
Such
qualities can't be taught in a classroom but rather through real-life experiences. Parents
are the only ones able to offer such
a good example to their kids. Furthermore
, schools may not have an effect on students: students usually listen absent-mindedly to advice
given to them by their teachers. Add an article
the advice
however
, when such
advice comes from their parents
they are more likely to listen.
On the other hand
, societal matters
should be taught at schools because they are able to recruite
experts , who are more educated on social issues and experienced in dealing with Correct your spelling
recruit
children
. The ability to teach such
matters
by professionals is something only schools could
offer. Wrong verb form
can
additionally
, being taught by an expert ensures that students are getting the right education
, while
parents
, who are not guarenteed
to be Correct your spelling
guaranteed
welll-behaved
, are not a Correct your spelling
well behaved
relible
source of Correct your spelling
reliable
social-
Correct your spelling
social education
education
.
In conclusion,Those who believe that parents
should teach their children
argue that manners must be taught from a young age and that teenagers are more likely to listen to their parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
guidnec
on social issues. Correct your spelling
guidance
guides
nevertheless
, those in favor
of Change the spelling
favour
school based
social Add a hyphen
school-based
education
believe that not all parents
are good idols to their kids and that such
matters
should be taught by professionals. I reckon that it is the parents
job to give life advice and be a good example to their Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
children
because social education
is a part of parenting.Submitted by wd2288402 on
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task achievement
You've provided a clear discussion of both viewpoints, which is good. However, adding more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments could improve your essay.
task achievement
There are a few grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'responsible of,' 'guidnec'). Proofreading your work can help you catch these mistakes and make your writing more polished.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is mostly logical and easy to follow. Still, try to use more transition words and phrases to ensure smooth and clear progress from one idea to another.
coherence cohesion
In the first point under your second paragraph, improve clarity and focus on the distinction between real-life experience provided by parents versus theoretical education in schools.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively set up and summarize the essay's topic and your stance.
supported main points
You’ve done a good job in presenting both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
logical structure
You have a clear idea of what you want to convey, and your arguments are fairly well-organized.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.