IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The rise of social media has affercted personal relation ships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communicating outweigh the disadvantages?

#rise #media #relation #ships #society
Generally, social
media
 is rising day by day and it impacts private communication and all of society.
Although
 it might have some merits, I think, demerits overshadow merits. It is argued that social
media
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
opportunity
Add an article
an opportunity
the opportunity
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 to improve and develop communication cheaply through several apps
such
 as Telegram. I concede that Many people can benefit from them and make communication regardless of location with a small amount of money.
However
, these apps may bring about misunderstanding and
also
, have a negative effect on writing skills directly.
On the other hand
, social
media
 can promote antisocial behaviour and means decreasing the range of lawbreaking or other crimes. In
another word
Fix the agreement mistake
other words
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,the vast majority of young people follow different pages on Instagram,
for example
, and they impact youngsters directly.
As a result
, if that page does not have appropriate content, adolescents will be motivated to trace them and do what they do. Apart from that, in social
media
 , merely good and luxurious moments will be shared and
this
 may make many crowds disappointed or jealous.
While
 the fact is completely different. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it could be the worst part of the virtual world. In conclusion,
Although
 social
media
 is said to have some positive points, I wholeheartedly believe that the negative points outweigh the positive points as
this
media
 may boost the level of antisocial behaviour and as a worse effect,
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 people frustrated and jealous since only happy and lavish parts of lives are shown.
Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on

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task achievement
Your essay needs more specific examples to support your points. Vague statements should be substantiated with real-world examples to enhance credibility and depth.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear but not fully comprehensive. Try to develop each point more thoroughly and provide more detailed explanations.
coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a more logical structure. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next, with clear topic sentences and concluding sentences for each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Good attempt at presenting both sides of the issue in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are effectively setting the stage and summarizing your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • geographical distances
  • instant communication
  • life updates
  • networking opportunities
  • reconnect
  • superficial interactions
  • face-to-face communication
  • cyberbullying
  • privacy concerns
  • spread of misinformation
  • mental health
  • social comparison
  • addiction
  • digital literacy education
  • responsible usage
  • privacy controls
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