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Band 6.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think thid is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #case #thid #situation
It is true that in many parts of the world, it is crucial for citizens to have their own
house
instead
 of renting a
house
. Several reasons contribute to why
people
 have
this
 preference.
While
this
 notion has some drawbacks, I firmly believe the advantages outweigh its negative sides and owning a
house
instead
 of renting it is one of the best ideas.
People
 tend to buy a
house
instead
 of renting it for several reasons.
Firstly
, owning a
house
 can be beneficial for the next generation. Many parents wish to leave a home for their children.
Secondly
, In times of bankruptcy and recession, having a place to live would be very important. I remember a couple of years ago, one of my friend's father lost his job for three months. Despite having numerous problems with their living conditions, they have a
house
 and they did not become displaced.
Lastly
, living in a rental
house
 can be stressful.
At the end
 of the lease, the owner may want it and
people
 will have to move. Putting it all together, in my opinion, it is very vital for families to have their own
house
. In my perspective, owning a
house
 is very vital for all citizens. Accommodations are becoming extremely expensive because of the overpopulation.
For instance
, about five years ago my father had the chance to buy a flat, but he didn't. Now, we cannot afford to buy that, we are not even close, because the cost of that
house
 has risen dramatically. Another advantage of owning a
house
that is
 worth mentioning here is that
people
 pay for it once,
thus
, they do not need to allocate a huge portion of their income to rent each month.
Similarly
, they can make any changes to their
house
 in any way they want. It is impossible in a rental
house
. In conclusion, in the contemporary world, many hold the opinion that it is a good approach to owning a
house
.
While
this
 idea has some negative sides, I believe they are negligible and there are more benefits to owning a
house
instead
 of living in a rental accommodation.
Submitted by amir1375.6 on

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task achievement
Although your essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a comprehensive response, you should aim to strengthen your arguments with more specific examples and deepen your analysis on certain points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that each paragraph has a clear and unified idea, and try to make smoother transitions between points to enhance overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your essay, providing a strong foundation for your arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant reasons and examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument overall.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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