IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulty getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people in our society are not pleased to be falling asleep. The main problem
this
Linking Words
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 is that workable
personal
Replace the word
personnel
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 do not pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
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 their daily schedule and the most viable solution is a
strongly
Change the word
strong
show examples
 following of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 regime, which should correct sleeping
time
Use synonyms
. The principal problem associated with spending more
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
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 survival activities, like earning
more
Correct word choice
the most
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 money how
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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possible, wasting
time
Use synonyms
 on transportation between home and final destination, traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc. Everyone who goes out,
for instance
Linking Words
 employer or student
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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 their
time
Use synonyms
 outside by walking or using several
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of vehicle. After that,
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the end of
working
Add an article
the working
show examples
Use synonyms
time
Add a comma
time,
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 they feel tired during
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
day
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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means they need to get
time
Use synonyms
for
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apply
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to sleep.
Linking Words
According to
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As
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 mentioned before most of them recognize
about
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apply
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that have
getting
Change the verb form
got
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 up for the next morning and do not have any
time
Use synonyms
for being
Change preposition
to be
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 fully
awaken
Wrong verb form
awakened
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
apply
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repeating every
Use synonyms
day
Change noun form
day's
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 routine leads to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
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sleeping
Change preposition
in sleeping
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 lack. Even short-term sleep deprivation significantly affects our
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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.
The one
Correct article usage
One
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 of the best
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
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 to determine
this
Linking Words
 problem is
that
Change preposition
to
show examples
 try to less pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
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 stressful things
at
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in
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 routine, at
job
Add an article
a job
the job
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 or another place of social life. Many people
do selection
Wrong verb form
select
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important
Correct article usage
an important
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 way to solve it and approve for themselves each
priorities
Change to a singular noun
priority
show examples
 to be having to follow it. Another notable thing is that
carry
Correct subject-verb agreement
carries
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 about being wealthy and
to live
Change the verb form
living
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 a healthy lifestyle, on top of all to decrease
spend
Verb problem
apply
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time
Use synonyms
 on social media, and
to list
Verb problem
apply
show examples
useless information,
try
Correct word choice
and try
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 to be physically active.
Summarizing up
Verb problem
In summary
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, people who
worked
Wrong verb form
work
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 approximately
whole
Correct word choice
apply
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day
Use synonyms
 have to care
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 health, find a little
time
Use synonyms
 to put priority
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 every
day
Use synonyms
 and
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
follow it. Because accumulated fatigue will lead to negative consequences.

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coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and idea presentation, divide your essay into clear paragraphs with one main idea each. This will help both you and the reader follow the argument more easily.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This can strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
general
Pay attention to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Using simpler, grammatically correct sentences can help convey your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task adequately, discussing the problems caused by lack of sleep and suggesting solutions.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear attempt to link ideas together and provide a logical flow from one argument to another.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and underscores the importance of taking action to deal with sleep deprivation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sleep deprivation
  • immune system
  • cognitive function
  • mental health
  • chronic insomnia
  • accidents
  • productivity
  • stress management
  • sleep hygiene
  • relaxation techniques
  • health care costs
  • economic productivity
  • circadian rhythms
  • sleep disorders
  • meditation
  • yoga
  • stimulant
  • melatonin
What to do next:
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