Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure?
It is true that, nowadays, educators are experiencing more pressure from
education
, social and commercial points of view. There are several reasons for Replace the word
educational
this
, and there are various steps that can be used to tackle this
matter.
There are two main reasons why this
trend is becoming more popular recently. The first contributing factor is an unhealthy environment around children
since an expectation from family members could play a significant role in children
's tension. For example
, comparing one student to other learners, rewarding children
who pass the exam, and punishing or complaining about those who fail. Another point to be mentioned is the high competition in every field as many workplaces and academic institutions demand quality people with high GPAs. Consequently
, this
social demand would generate more stress for children
, especially those who are serious about academics and trades.
Nonetheless
, some methods can definitely be applied to solve this
problem or at least mitigate it. Firstly
, it is essential to create a better environment for younger people. To illustrate, instead
of complaining and generating more pressure, the family must be a comfortable place for children
to relieve and cheer them up from any failures. Furthermore
, schools should educate them about how to handle stress appropriately, such
as scheduling a special class for mental issues once a week. In doing so, children
should be able to express their feelings and strain to experts.
In conclusion, there are a variety of elements of these trends, and implementing those aforementioned steps will resolve this
problem.Submitted by pandin21 on
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets the context for the essay. However, the phrase 'educators are experiencing more pressure' should be 'children are experiencing more pressure.'
task achievement
In terms of task response, the essay covers the causes and solutions adequately but lacks depth in the explanations and examples. Try to provide more detailed arguments and specific examples to strengthen your points.
task achievement
Some ideas are not fully clear and comprehensive. For instance, mentioning 'many workplaces and academic institutions' could be more specific. Add concrete examples or data to make your point clearer.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured and easy to follow. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the task, which helps in maintaining coherence. Keep this up!
coherence cohesion
You have a good conclusion that summarizes your main points well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well by discussing both causes and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-organized and flow logically from one point to the next.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...