IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication hurts young people's reading and writing skills. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #phones #communication #skills
There always been argued that the enhancement of using
computers
 and smartphones for communication can lead to a decrement in young people’s reading and writing competency. I disagree with
this
 statement.
However
, using these tools in the wrong way can bring negative impacts. Nowadays,
computers
 and smartphones are part of our life. It is something that came
along with
 the development of technology.
Initially
, it was created to communicate with other people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are far away, but right now it is becoming more powerful. For adults, it is usually used for their job so that the job can be done more efficiently and effectively.
While for
Correct word choice
For
show examples
 younger people,
such
 as students, it helped them with their studies where they can look for materials and sources for learning. If
computers
 and mobile phones are used wisely, there will not
bring
Verb problem
be
show examples
 any negative impacts.
However
, when talking about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tools, it can have bad effects if we use them recklessly. Young people sometimes think of
computers
 and smartphones as a life hack when it comes to tasks.
Due to
 the easy access to the Internet, where they can browse everything there including tools like AI, they became lazy and just copy paste the results from the Internet without trying to understand it first. That’s why there should be limitations on the usage. In conclusion, the improvement in the usage of
computers
 and mobile phones cannot be avoided because of technological development. The negative impact that may come can be prevented by using it properly and not solely depending on it when it comes to writing and speaking.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. Mention specific studies, statistics, or real-life scenarios to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to create a more cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your main points are thoroughly supported with detailed explanations. Avoid general statements and delve deeper into each point.
introduction conclusion present
You have a strong introduction and conclusion which clearly state your stance on the topic.
complete response
You address both the potential negative and positive impacts of computer and mobile phone use, showcasing a balanced view.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay is generally clear and easy to understand, which reflects your good command of English.

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