IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

living in a country where you have to speak a foreign languagecan cause serious social problems, as well practical problems

#country #languagecan
it is said that when
people
 live in a
countrythat
Correct your spelling
country that
 must speak another language, they may face some serious social
problems
 like practical
problems
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that the language of the country
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
people
 live
is
Change preposition
in is
show examples
 one of the important
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 that they should learn before going there because of
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of reasons like socialising and communicating with other
people
. first of
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
 when
people
 want to live in another country except their motherland, most of the time they would not have all of their family and friends around
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 so they need to find new friends.
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 instance when they decide to go to the
retaurants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
restaurant
 and hang out with other
people
 or meet
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
, they need to know most of their speech or their joke.
Although
 they can talk with
bodulanguage
Correct your spelling
body language
bad language
, it is very hard to enjoy
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 of the speech.
secondly
, there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
problems
 which
people
 all the time face them.
for example
 imagine a person who is sick and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to go to the hospital, how she/he
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
talk to the doctor and explain the
problems
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if
people
 did not know how to talk in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 language where live, how they would
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
go to the bank and open the bank account or how could they shop. in conclusion, when
people
 can not speak fluently with others they can not make fun of something, they can not
socilise
Correct your spelling
socialise
socialize
 with others so
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
after a
while
 they stay at home and do not try to go out and meet other
people
.
Submitted by ghazal.seyedi95 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
You need to improve the grammatical accuracy and avoid spelling mistakes. For example, 'bodulanguage' should be 'body language' and 'retaurants' should be 'restaurants'.
example
Introducing more specific examples would make your arguments stronger. Try to use scenarios or real-life situations to support your points.
conclusion
It's important to write a more defined conclusion that summarizes your points more clearly.
development
Make sure to fully develop each idea. Some points are mentioned but not elaborated on enough for a higher score.
introduction conclusion
You have clearly stated your main points in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
The essay addresses the task of discussing both social and practical problems.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: