IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some families have opted to teach their children at home. Why do you think this is? In your opinion, do you think that all children should be taught in a school environment? Say why you think home-schooling would not be a good idea and also point out some benefits for this chosen form of education.

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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, people are moving towards a new trend of teaching their juveniles at
home
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instead
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sending
Correct word choice
of sending
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 them to
schools
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.
However
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, critics believe that attending
schools
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, colleges, or universities is relentlessly vital.
This
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 essay will delve into
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
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 behind
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 statement and will lead to a logical conclusion as well.
To begin
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 with, the most prominent reason to consider
schools
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 necessary is that they provide the students with appropriate and required tutors. Teachers available in colleges assist and encourage the scholars to learn, understand and
get
Verb problem
be
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 successful in future.
Whereas
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, children cannot concentrate on
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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 if they stay
home
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 and learn because they would not have any individual to provide them guidance to clear their doubts.
Along with
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this
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, they will face various distractions at
home
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such
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 as attraction towards the use of
phone
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phones
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.
Furthermore
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,
schools
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 not only render academic education to
youngster
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the youngster
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 but
also
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 help them to learn social and moral values which are numerously vital in their daily lives.
Moreover
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,
schools
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 provide them
a
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with a
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proper platform to study whether they can have books or computers,
along with
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 proper peaceful surroundings
that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 totally impossible to get
while
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 staying
home
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 to study. In my opinion, it is crystal clear that
schools
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 play immensely a vital role
to provide
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in providing
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 a better platform
to
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for
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 learners to gain education to have a bright future. Replacing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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peaceful school studies with studying at
home
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 might provide some poor repercussions on the future of young people.
To conclude
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, as per the testimonials mentioned above it is crystal clear that academics are better delivered in school buildings only rather than at residential places.
Thus
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, it is not possible
as well as
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benficial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to replace learning institutes with anything else.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a fairly structured argument with logical progression, but ensure all paragraphs clearly relate back to the main thesis statement. This could help improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
While you have included a conclusion and tied your arguments together, it can be made more comprehensive by summarizing the main points more clearly.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument about why school environments are better. This can enhance the completeness of your task response.
task achievement
Maintain a formal tone throughout the essay. Avoid colloquial expressions like 'crystal clear' and 'poor repercussions.' More suitable phrases could be 'clearly evident' and 'negative consequences.'
content
It's good that you have made a clear distinction between the advantages of school education and the potential drawbacks of home-schooling.
tone
Your writing tone is generally suitable for an academic essay and shows a good level of articulation.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized education
  • flexible schedule
  • bully-free environment
  • aligned with family values
  • socialization
  • hinder
  • diversity
  • significant pressure
  • structured learning
  • specialized teachers
  • extracurricular activities
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