IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays people depends on newspapers, radios, television and the internet for news and information. Which in your opinion is the best way for getting news and why?

#people #newspapers #radios #television #internet #news #information
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Opinions differ on who is responsible for educating
children
 about a healthy
diet
. It is often argued that
this
 is the job of
parents
, whilst others disagree and think
teachers
 should be in charge of that task.
This
 essay agrees that healthy eating habits taught by
parents
 are the most beneficial method.
Parents
 spend the most amount of time with their
children
. Since they are born,
Children
 spend the first few years of their lives closely with their
parents
, immediately being influenced by their decisions in terms of every aspect of life including their
diet
. Mothers and fathers are responsible for buying groceries or taking lunch orders for their
children
 at school. It is
therefore
 agreed that
parents
 should be the instance of education regarding eating healthy foods. Students in Australia are the prime example because they get provided with a lunch box that their mum or dad packed in the morning before school.
However
, many people disagree and feel that
teachers
 can be more influential. The school, where students spend the majority of their day after the age of six, is already a learning environment and can be used to learn about healthy food. The information taught by a teacher may remain longer in some memories and feels more official. Despite
this
, the curriculum is already packed with different other topics
such
 as maths or literacy, and
this
 essay disagrees that
teachers
 should be held accountable for that reason. In conclusion,
while
 the benefits of being educated about a proper healthy
diet
 by
parents
, particularly because they have the biggest say regarding their
children
's
diet
, seem logical, some still feel that it is the job of
teachers
 to educate them.
However
, as long as we carefully consider the workload
teachers
 already have to stress and students spend more time with their
parents
 in general, being taught about
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper by your
parents
 is clearly more important.
Submitted by philipp_becker on

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coherence cohesion
For the highest marks, ensure the coherence of paragraphs by using linking words and phrases consistently. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Although your response is complete and your arguments are clear, focusing more on the opposing viewpoint can offer a more balanced perspective.
task achievement
The introduction is clear and sets up the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear main points and supporting details.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help to support your argument, particularly the reference to students in Australia.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Editorial process
  • Rigorous
  • Accuracy
  • Credibility
  • Immediacy
  • In-depth analysis
  • Comprehensive
  • Multi-media engagement
  • Accessibility
  • Global audience
  • Discussion platforms
  • Information overload
  • Critical thinking
  • Cost-effective
  • Subscription costs
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