IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many students have to study subjects which they donot like. some people think this is a complete waste of time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

#students #study #subjects #donot #people #waste #time
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Schools have various learning syllabus that consists of different
subjects
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 to efficiently teach learners the topics and ideas they need to learn.
However
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, not all
courses
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 are liked by
students
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,
hence
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 some people think that learning different
subjects
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 is a waste of time. Personally, I do not agree with
this
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 perspective as multiple
courses
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 are needed to complete
one
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.
Education
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 boards have sets of approved syllabi for each school that are designed to not only provide basic knowledge on different topics and ideas but
also
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courses
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 that prepare
students
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 for their future careers.
Also
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, these
subjects
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 are interlinked to
one
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 another, so for
students
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 to
further
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 understand the different concepts they need to learn multiple
subjects
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.
For example
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, in secondary school
students
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 are taught basic chemistry and biology
subjects
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,
this
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 basic knowledge learned from these topics are building block of various medical
courses
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such
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 as Pharmacy in which a specialized knowledge of biology and chemistry is needed. Another thing to consider is that other
subjects
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 that others considered as minor
subjects
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such
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 as arts and music or physical
education
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 have positive impacts on
students
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. Research shows that learning arts and music is beneficial to
one
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's cognitive development and academic achievement as it motivates
students
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 to excel.
Moreover
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, physical
education
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 as a subject will aid in developing various motor skills, establishing healthy habits and increasing confidence.
For example
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, sports played during physical
education
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 are a good way of motivating young learners to exercise. In conclusion, all
subjects
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 taught in schools have various roles in
further
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 developing
one
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's cognitive skills, establishing healthy habits and heightened confidence.
Submitted by estillorericamae on

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task achievement
While your essay provides a complete response to the prompt and includes relevant specific examples, clarify some complex sentences to enhance readability. For instance, 'multiple courses are needed to complete one' could be elaborated for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence that corresponds directly with the task's requirements. This improvement will bolster the logical structure further.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, encapsulating your standpoint effectively.
task achievement
You have included specific and relevant examples, like the medical courses example, which strengthens your argument.
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