The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The assertion that
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
standard of
people
's
health
is likely to be lower in
future
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is now a considerable topic of discussion. I agree with the statement to an extent as there are several negative factors that could impact
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
health
.
Firstly
, the prevalence of lifestyle-related diseases poses a significant threat to
future
health
standards. The markets these days are flooded with packed, processed and high sugar content foods that are major
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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behind the rise in obesity and diabetes amongst
people
.
Due to
various technological advancements and sedentary
jobs
Add a comma
jobs,
show examples
people
are mostly leading inactive
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
. Activities
such
as watching TV, scrolling through social media or playing video games
is
Change the verb form
are
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making
people
nothing but couch potatoes.
Secondly
, environmental conditions play a crucial role as well. With increase in the
pollution
Add a comma
pollution,
show examples
there is
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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depletion observed of natural resources which can be alarming to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
generations as it can have detrimental
affects
Replace the word
effects
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on
health
. If these environmental issues are not addressed they could
further
exacerbate the
health
of
people
in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
future
. Medical sciences
however
has
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have
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made huge advancements.
For instance
,
breakthrough
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breakthroughs
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is
Correct your spelling
in
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cancer treatments,
personalised
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and personalised
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medicines have shown promising results.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
public
health
initiatives are becoming more effective.
Health
campaigns
such
as vaccinations are gaining public
tractions
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traction
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.
People
are getting inclined
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
such
preventive
health
measures. In conclusion,
while
there are genuine concerns
on
Change preposition
about
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decline
Add an article
the decline
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of
health
standards, there are significant advancements in
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
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sector which
gives
Change the verb form
give
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a ray of hope.
People
however
need to be very proactive and should understand the importance of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle.
Submitted by bhutani.trisha09 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well, discussing both the negative factors that could lead to a decline in health standards and the potential positive influences such as advancements in medical science. However, some of your examples and points could be more detailed to fully support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the coherence of your essay by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Also, avoid repeating words or phrases; instead, use synonyms and vary your language to keep the reader engaged.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical and vocabulary errors. Minor mistakes, such as incorrect prepositions, typos, and verb tense inconsistencies, can disrupt the flow of your essay. Paying attention to these details will enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well and give it a structured flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, and your main points are logically structured, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view, considering both the negative and positive factors affecting future health standards, which demonstrates critical thinking.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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