IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
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The assertion that
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 standard of
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
 is likely to be lower in
future
Use synonyms
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is now a considerable topic of discussion. I agree with the statement to an extent as there are several negative factors that could impact
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
health
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the prevalence of lifestyle-related diseases poses a significant threat to
future
Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
 standards. The markets these days are flooded with packed, processed and high sugar content foods that are major
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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 behind the rise in obesity and diabetes amongst
people
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 various technological advancements and sedentary
jobs
Add a comma
jobs,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are mostly leading inactive
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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. Activities
such
Linking Words
 as watching TV, scrolling through social media or playing video games
is
Change the verb form
are
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 making
people
Use synonyms
 nothing but couch potatoes.
Secondly
Linking Words
, environmental conditions play a crucial role as well. With increase in the
pollution
Add a comma
pollution,
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 there is
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 depletion observed of natural resources which can be alarming to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
Use synonyms
 generations as it can have detrimental
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
 on
health
Use synonyms
. If these environmental issues are not addressed they could
further
Linking Words
 exacerbate the
health
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
future
Use synonyms
. Medical sciences
however
Linking Words
has
Change the verb form
have
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 made huge advancements.
For instance
Linking Words
,
breakthrough
Fix the agreement mistake
breakthroughs
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is
Correct your spelling
in
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 cancer treatments,
personalised
Correct word choice
and personalised
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 medicines have shown promising results.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 public
health
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 initiatives are becoming more effective.
Health
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 campaigns
such
Linking Words
 as vaccinations are gaining public
tractions
Fix the agreement mistake
traction
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.
People
Use synonyms
 are getting inclined
in
Change preposition
to
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such
Linking Words
 preventive
health
Use synonyms
 measures. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are genuine concerns
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
decline
Add an article
the decline
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 of
health
Use synonyms
 standards, there are significant advancements in
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
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 sector which
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 a ray of hope.
People
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
 need to be very proactive and should understand the importance of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
Submitted by bhutani.trisha09 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well, discussing both the negative factors that could lead to a decline in health standards and the potential positive influences such as advancements in medical science. However, some of your examples and points could be more detailed to fully support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the coherence of your essay by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Also, avoid repeating words or phrases; instead, use synonyms and vary your language to keep the reader engaged.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical and vocabulary errors. Minor mistakes, such as incorrect prepositions, typos, and verb tense inconsistencies, can disrupt the flow of your essay. Paying attention to these details will enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well and give it a structured flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, and your main points are logically structured, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view, considering both the negative and positive factors affecting future health standards, which demonstrates critical thinking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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