The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The assertion that
average
standard of Correct article usage
the average
people
's health
is likely to be lower in future
that
is now a considerable topic of discussion. I agree with the statement to an extent as there are several negative factors that could impact Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
public Correct article usage
apply
health
.
Firstly
, the prevalence of lifestyle-related diseases poses a significant threat to future
health
standards. The markets these days are flooded with packed, processed and high sugar content foods that are major factor
behind the rise in obesity and diabetes amongst Fix the agreement mistake
factors
people
. Due to
various technological advancements and sedentary jobs
Add a comma
jobs,
people
are mostly leading inactive lifestyle
. Activities Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
such
as watching TV, scrolling through social media or playing video games is
making Change the verb form
are
people
nothing but couch potatoes.
Secondly
, environmental conditions play a crucial role as well. With increase in the pollution
there is Add a comma
pollution,
significant
depletion observed of natural resources which can be alarming to Correct article usage
a significant
the
Correct article usage
apply
future
generations as it can have detrimental affects
on Replace the word
effects
health
. If these environmental issues are not addressed they could further
exacerbate the health
of people
in near
Correct article usage
the near
future
.
Medical sciences however
has
made huge advancements. Change the verb form
have
For instance
, breakthrough
Fix the agreement mistake
breakthroughs
is
cancer treatments, Correct your spelling
in
personalised
medicines have shown promising results.Correct word choice
and personalised
Furthermore
public Add a comma
Furthermore,
health
initiatives are becoming more effective. Health
campaigns such
as vaccinations are gaining public tractions
. Fix the agreement mistake
traction
People
are getting inclined in
Change preposition
to
such
preventive health
measures.
In conclusion, while
there are genuine concerns on
Change preposition
about
decline
of Add an article
the decline
health
standards, there are significant advancements in healthcare
sector which Add an article
the healthcare
gives
a ray of hope. Change the verb form
give
People
however
need to be very proactive and should understand the importance of healthy
lifestyle.Correct article usage
a healthy
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well, discussing both the negative factors that could lead to a decline in health standards and the potential positive influences such as advancements in medical science. However, some of your examples and points could be more detailed to fully support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the coherence of your essay by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Also, avoid repeating words or phrases; instead, use synonyms and vary your language to keep the reader engaged.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical and vocabulary errors. Minor mistakes, such as incorrect prepositions, typos, and verb tense inconsistencies, can disrupt the flow of your essay. Paying attention to these details will enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well and give it a structured flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, and your main points are logically structured, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view, considering both the negative and positive factors affecting future health standards, which demonstrates critical thinking.