IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that in a city, the best way to travel by car, while other people argue that bicycles are a better way of travelling in a city. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #city #travel #car #bicycles
People
 have different views as to whether
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 by car is a better means of transportation or if cycling has more advantages.
While
 there are certain benefits to moving somewhere with the help of
cars
, the role of
bicycles
 in
cities
 can carry greater weight. These days, the main means of transportation in
cities
 are undoubtedly
cars
,
due to
 the advantages they offer,
such
 as comfort and time savings.
Cars
 can be a great way to move from one place to another easily, which saves
our
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
 time during emergencies or other stressful conditions. As an example, going to work, study, or extreme situations can mitigate potential issues, which is why
this
 type of transport could gain popularity in
cities
due to
 its speed.
In addition
, unlike
bicycles
,
cars
 can be great in extreme weather. As long as
people
 continue to use
cars
 for travel, convenience offers a variety of comforts, including shelter on rainy days and warmth on cold days.
Therefore
,
cars
 prioritize comfort for their users in many ways.
However
, a bicycle is far more beneficial in terms of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 around the city because of its potential positive consequences. First of all,
bicycles
 are environmentally friendly machines, meaning that it may be a better way to avoid future environmental problems by introducing them to the public and encouraging them to use them to avoid harming their health later on.
Furthermore
, they
also
 increase the physical activity of
people
 who live in metropolitan areas, leading to a healthy lifestyle.
This
 is the reason why
preference
Correct article usage
the preference
show examples
 of
people
 should be
bycycles
Correct your spelling
bicycles
while
 travelling. As long as the public in
cities
 uses more
bicycles
, they can avoid being the victims of an unhealthy lifestyle
overall
.
To conclude
,
although
cars
 play a good role in terms of the motion of
people
 in
cities
, I admit that
bicycles
 yield consistent outcomes.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Expand on your points with more specific examples or data to strengthen your argument. This will enhance the completeness and relevance of your task response.
task achievement
Ensure that all points made are directly addressing the essay question. For example, discussing how cars mitigate potential issues was slightly tangential.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that precisely outlines what your essay will discuss.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have compared the two modes of transportation effectively, pointing out the pros and cons of each.
task achievement
You have provided a clear opinion which is well articulated, especially in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical and easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • congestion
  • pollution
  • maintenance
  • eco-friendly
  • infrastructure
  • physical health
  • suitable
  • weather conditions
  • traffic
  • repair costs
  • cycling infrastructure
  • fuel costs
  • carrying heavy loads
  • physical limitations
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