Young people are often influenced in their behaviors and situations by others in the same age. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

#people #behaviors #situations #age #“peer #pressure”

Children’s attitudes and personalities are often dominated by their

friends

Correct word choice

and

show examples

experts named

this

phenomenon as “

peer

pressure”.

This

essay will discuss whether the drawbacks of

peer

pressure within kids

overbalance

Verb problem

outweigh

show examples

the advantages. Many

peer

pressures are giving the spark of competitiveness within toddlers.

While

it is undeniable that having peers is helpful for children’s social development, the sense of rivalry

also

encourage

Change the verb form

encourages

show examples

kids to do better than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

others.

For instance

, befriending a bunch of diligent students will make the

one

who

befriend

Wrong verb form

befriended

show examples

them

to be

Verb problem

apply

show examples

more diligent.

This

happen

Change the verb form

happens

show examples

mostly because each

one

of them should not feel inferior to

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

so they can keep staying inside the group.

Thus

, the friendly contest will enhance the children’s intelligence,

accordingly

Add a comma

accordingly,

show examples

they will have

ambition

Change the article

the ambition

show examples

to aim greater in the future.

However

, the rivalry is not all

positives

Fix the agreement mistake

positive

show examples

in contrast

, many

peer

groups create negative and unnecessary

competitions

Fix the agreement mistake

competition

show examples

. If the youngsters stay within a

consumtive

Correct your spelling

consumptive

group of

friends

then

eventually they will adapt to hedonist behaviour. There are many cases similar

such

as adolescents who were once obedient to their parents changed into a rebellious

one

due to

their

friends

Consequently

, having

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

negative pressure

within

Change preposition

from

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

peers will

destruct

Verb problem

destroy

show examples

the young generation’s personality and future. In conclusion, having

peer

pressure within

friends

will build

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

competitiveness and eventually

supports

Correct subject-verb agreement

support

show examples

one

another to achieve something in common.

Nevertheless

, it

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

also

apply

Correct subject-verb agreement

applies

show examples

friends group

Fix the agreement mistake

friend groups

show examples

that have

negative

Correct article usage

a negative

show examples

influence

Change preposition

show examples

each other.

This

case will possibly happen to children

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

unless the parents prevent

this

continously

Correct your spelling

continuously

filter

Wrong verb form

filtering

show examples

and

monitor

Wrong verb form

monitoring

show examples

their offspring’s environment. On that note, the downsides of having

peer

pressures

Fix the agreement mistake

pressure

show examples

do not outweigh the benefits.

Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on Tue Aug 06 2024

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coherence cohesion

Consider using more varied vocabulary to make the essay more engaging and demonstrate language proficiency.

task response

Work on sentence structures to avoid grammatical errors and improve readability. For instance, 'consumtive' should be 'consumerist' and 'hedonist' should be 'hedonistic.'

task response

Provide more specific examples to support your points, as this will make your arguments stronger and more concrete.

task response

The essay provides a clear response to the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of peer pressure among young people.

coherence cohesion

The organization of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task response

The essay offers some specific examples and explanations to support the main points, particularly in discussing the competitive aspect of peer pressure.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

influence
behaviors
peer pressure
academic performance
social activities
risky behaviors
health and wellbeing
social skills development
teamwork
communication
empathy
individuality
independence
conformity
emotional well-being
mental well-being
self-esteem
negative consequences
positive influence
motivation
encouragement
sense of belonging

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Young people are often influenced in their behaviors and situations by others in the same age. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

«Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation» To what extent do you agree or disagree?

large companies should provide sport and social facilities to community. To what extent do you argee or disagree?

The free movement of goods across national borders has long been a controversial issue. Some people argue that it is necessary for economic growth, while others claim that it damages local industries.

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this?