IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#punishment #death #penalty #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
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Before talking about the essential role of the death
penalty
, you have to think about the meaning, and the purpose, of any kind of
punishment
. If you consider that the purpose is to prevent the guilty from being nasty again, you can be seduced by an argumentation in favour of the suppression of capital
punishment
. But you have to think about another aspect of the problem: a
punishment
 is
also
 useful to impress people, to make them fear the law. In fact, let’s take the example of a young misfit, which has grown in a violent atmosphere, influenced by older delinquents, etc. He lives in the streets; he’s got no aim but to survive.
This
 is the kind of person who could possibly kill someone for money, or even for fun. Why would he fear prison? Life would be easier for him there.
In addition
, in many cases, when you behave normally, you can benefit from
penalty
 reductions.
This
 young misfit needs to be impressed; he needs to know that the law is a frontier. When you cross it, you can lose your life.
That is
 why capital
punishment
 helps keep a distance between robbery and murder. If you abolish it, you suppress the difference between these two types of crime, which are completely different.But there is
also
 a limit to define: even if the death
penalty
 is unavoidable, it would be a crime to apply it to inadequate cases. If there is no premeditation or past facts which can justify
such
 a
punishment
, it is far too strict to apply the death
penalty
.
That is
 why the lawmakers have to establish precisely the context in which capital
punishment
 car being pronounced.
That is
 the price to pay to limit violence without using excessive violence.
Submitted by amal.aljohani94 on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure that your essay responds directly to the question asked by addressing the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated. Provide a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
For a clearer structure, include a distinct introduction outlining your viewpoint and a conclusion to summarize. Introduce each paragraph with a topic sentence and conclude with a sentence that reflects on the paragraph's main idea.
task achievement
Develop your main points with a mix of generalized statements and specific examples. Use the examples to illustrate your argument effectively and make sure they are directly relevant to your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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