Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contributions to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #workers #doctors #nurses #teachers #contributions #society #field #sports #entertainment

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Many argue that the

people

who are employed in the most significant branches,

such

as medicine and education, should earn more than those who

busy

Add a missing verb

are busy

show examples

with

sports

Correct article usage

the sports

show examples

and entertainment sectors as their importance is

Correct word choice

greater

show examples

. I totally disagree with

this

view. I believe that funding amusement and

sports

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

also

important for

people

's mental health and they contribute

country

's recognition.

Human

Fix the agreement mistake

Humans

show examples

Verb problem

apply

show examples

a complex

entity

Fix the agreement mistake

entities

show examples

and cannot be considered as only working and learning

being

Fix the agreement mistake

beings

show examples

. In

this

context,

people

need to get rid of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life's hustle and bustle. There are many ways to decharge

such

as watching a football game or listening to a lovely song. Without these activities,

people

may not renew themselves mentally which may lead to some health issues

such

as depression and anxiety.

Hence

, entertainers and

sports

Correct your spelling

sportspeople

show examples

people

also

contributes

Change the verb form

contribute

show examples

the

Change preposition

to the

show examples

wellbeing

Correct your spelling

well-being

show examples

of the whole community.

Furthermore

sports

and entertainment instruments

such

as art are more likely to be popular even

Change preposition

apply

show examples

abroad. Qualified members of these branches are not only known by everyone but

also

can be advertisement itself of

particular

Add an article

a particular

the particular

show examples

country

. Being recognised has paramount importance for countries that are

less-known

Correct your spelling

less known

show examples

or small. Ricky Martin

for

Add the comma(s)

, for

show examples

instance, made Costa Rica known owing to his worldwide success.

This

kind of

country

advertisement is only acquired by popularity which is only possible with quality

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

. In conclusion, some believe that since they do relatively less

critic

Replace the word

critical

show examples

works

Correct subject-verb agreement

work

show examples

, sportsmen and

people

who work in

entertainment

Add an article

the entertainment

show examples

business

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

should be paid less than major

branch's

Change noun form

branch

show examples

professionals like tutors, doctors and nurses.

However

, sportsmen and entertainers

also

have

massive

Add an article

a massive

show examples

role in citizens' mental health and they increase their

country

's recognition.

Submitted by TUTOO on Tue Aug 06 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical progression of your ideas. It will make your essay easier to follow and understand.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and develop your arguments further to strongly support your viewpoint.

task achievement

Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or closely related ideas. This will help improve the coherency and flow of your essay.

structure

The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points.

task achievement

Your examples, such as mentioning Ricky Martin and Costa Rica, are relevant and help in supporting your arguments.

task achievement

You have highlighted the importance of both sports and entertainment, and how they contribute to mental well-being and a country's recognition. This shows an awareness of the broader implications of the issue.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contributions to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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