Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contributions to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many argue that the
people
who are employed in the most significant branches,
such
as medicine and education, should earn more than those who
busy
Add a missing verb
are busy
show examples
with
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
show examples
and entertainment sectors as their importance is
more
Correct word choice
greater
show examples
. I totally disagree with
this
view. I believe that funding amusement and
sports
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
important for
people
's mental health and they contribute
country
's recognition.
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
show examples
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a complex
entity
Fix the agreement mistake
entities
show examples
and cannot be considered as only working and learning
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
. In
this
context,
people
need to get rid of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life's hustle and bustle. There are many ways to decharge
such
as watching a football game or listening to a lovely song. Without these activities,
people
may not renew themselves mentally which may lead to some health issues
such
as depression and anxiety.
Hence
, entertainers and
sports
Correct your spelling
sportspeople
show examples
people
also
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
of the whole community.
Furthermore
,
sports
and entertainment instruments
such
as art are more likely to be popular even
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad. Qualified members of these branches are not only known by everyone but
also
can be advertisement itself of
particular
Add an article
a particular
the particular
show examples
country
. Being recognised has paramount importance for countries that are
less-known
Correct your spelling
less known
show examples
or small. Ricky Martin
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
instance, made Costa Rica known owing to his worldwide success.
This
kind of
country
advertisement is only acquired by popularity which is only possible with quality
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. In conclusion, some believe that since they do relatively less
critic
Replace the word
critical
show examples
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
, sportsmen and
people
who work in
entertainment
Add an article
the entertainment
show examples
business
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
should be paid less than major
branch's
Change noun form
branch
show examples
professionals like tutors, doctors and nurses.
However
, sportsmen and entertainers
also
have
massive
Add an article
a massive
show examples
role in citizens' mental health and they increase their
country
's recognition.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical progression of your ideas. It will make your essay easier to follow and understand.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and develop your arguments further to strongly support your viewpoint.
task achievement
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or closely related ideas. This will help improve the coherency and flow of your essay.
structure
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points.
task achievement
Your examples, such as mentioning Ricky Martin and Costa Rica, are relevant and help in supporting your arguments.
task achievement
You have highlighted the importance of both sports and entertainment, and how they contribute to mental well-being and a country's recognition. This shows an awareness of the broader implications of the issue.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!