Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contributions to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many argue that the
people
who are employed in the most significant branches, such
as medicine and education, should earn more than those who busy
with Add a missing verb
are busy
sports
and entertainment sectors as their importance is Correct article usage
the sports
more
. I totally disagree with Correct word choice
greater
this
view. I believe that funding amusement and sports
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
also
important for people
's mental health and they contribute country
's recognition.
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
is
a complex Verb problem
apply
entity
and cannot be considered as only working and learning Fix the agreement mistake
entities
being
. In Fix the agreement mistake
beings
this
context, people
need to get rid of the
life's hustle and bustle. There are many ways to decharge Correct article usage
apply
such
as watching a football game or listening to a lovely song. Without these activities, people
may not renew themselves mentally which may lead to some health issues such
as depression and anxiety. Hence
, entertainers and sports
Correct your spelling
sportspeople
people
also
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
the
Change preposition
to the
wellbeing
of the whole community.
Correct your spelling
well-being
Furthermore
, sports
and entertainment instruments such
as art are more likely to be popular even in
abroad. Qualified members of these branches are not only known by everyone but Change preposition
apply
also
can be advertisement itself of particular
Add an article
a particular
the particular
country
. Being recognised has paramount importance for countries that are less-known
or small. Ricky Martin Correct your spelling
less known
for
instance, made Costa Rica known owing to his worldwide success. Add the comma(s)
, for
This
kind of country
advertisement is only acquired by popularity which is only possible with quality works
.
In conclusion, some believe that since they do relatively less Fix the agreement mistake
work
critic
Replace the word
critical
works
, sportsmen and Correct subject-verb agreement
work
people
who work in entertainment
businessAdd an article
the entertainment
,
should be paid less than major Remove the comma
apply
branch's
professionals like tutors, doctors and nurses. Change noun form
branch
However
, sportsmen and entertainers also
have massive
role in citizens' mental health and they increase their Add an article
a massive
country
's recognition.Submitted by TUTOO on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical progression of your ideas. It will make your essay easier to follow and understand.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and develop your arguments further to strongly support your viewpoint.
task achievement
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or closely related ideas. This will help improve the coherency and flow of your essay.
structure
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points.
task achievement
Your examples, such as mentioning Ricky Martin and Costa Rica, are relevant and help in supporting your arguments.
task achievement
You have highlighted the importance of both sports and entertainment, and how they contribute to mental well-being and a country's recognition. This shows an awareness of the broader implications of the issue.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!