IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern world, many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the Government must invest money in
people
Use synonyms
, who cannot read and write,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that if give more financial
support
Use synonyms
 to teenagers it will be beneficial for their careers and help in the financial growth of their countries. I believe that spending more cash on youngsters has more advantages than others.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why giving opportunities to freshmen is better than
adults
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, the pupils are still young and have more opportunities to achieve, if given opportunities they will complete higher studies and after completing their education, they will join employment in various sectors
such
Linking Words
 as private and public. Another reason is that at an early age, their pick-up power is more than
adults
Use synonyms
 because they study continuously.
In addition
Linking Words
, these youngsters will contribute more to the country’s economy because they have more qualifications in technical and medical fields.
For example
Linking Words
, in developing countries, the States are giving extra
support
Use synonyms
 to educate sophomores to study abroad and bring new technologies to their home Nations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is important to provide financial
support
Use synonyms
 to
adults
Use synonyms
, who cannot read and write to get better jobs in society.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 left their education in the past
due to
Linking Words
 mixed-up in the bad companies and avoidable circumstances.
Additionally
Linking Words
, if they are educated , they will come into the mainstream and join positions in the offices, which will help to solve the labour problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, developed countries require a number of
people
Use synonyms
 who can work on digital machines and in offices.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can fill gaps
instead
Linking Words
 of bringing overseas workers into the country and save money. In conclusion, following the analysis of both sides,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the Authorities should provide financial
support
Use synonyms
 to
adults
Use synonyms
, so they can fill up labour gaps and avoid crimes.
However
Linking Words
, if give more financial
support
Use synonyms
 to teenagers they will achieve their goals to get jobs and benefit the country’s economy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement. Your stance should be clearly stated and consistently backed throughout the essay.
task achievement
Strengthen the link between your arguments and examples. Provide specific relevant examples to support your key points.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by using cohesive devices more effectively. This ensures the reader can follow the progression of ideas more easily.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and contributes to your overall argument. Revising your topic sentences might help with this.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easier to follow.
task achievement
You acknowledged both viewpoints and provided a balanced discussion, which is an important part of writing a persuasive essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy programs
  • functional illiteracy
  • social mobility
  • inter-generational poverty
  • workforce development
  • economic growth
  • social cohesion
  • public health
  • civic participation
  • resource allocation
  • national development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: