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Band 5

Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #team #sports #children #work #life
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that some
people
 think the best way for children
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
nimble
Correct article usage
a nimble
show examples
, leader is to through in different team
sports
. It is undeniable that doing
sports
 and
interaction
Replace the word
interacting
show examples
 become an essential part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Personally, I tend to think that it is not necessary to send your child to a
sports
 section for his interaction with
people
.
Firstly
, it is well known that
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 can find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication no matter where he is in different places and conditions, with anyone you just have to find an approach to
this
 person and start communicating correctly. What I mean here is that if you
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
new student and can not start to talk or find a friend,
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
 step
you
Add a missing verb
is you
show examples
 can ask him or her what he or she
interested
Add a missing verb
is interested
show examples
and
Change preposition
in and
show examples
 with
this
 conversation you can come to a common topic and communicate. A good case in point is some
people
 want to find communication and they are connected by something in common,
such
 as thoughts and common dreams for the future.
On the other hand
, it can
also
 be argued that in
sports
 there is a lot of cooperation and
also
 racing between them some
people
 find a lot of friends and brothers who are considered by blood.
That is
 to
say
Add a comma
say,
show examples
 when you train together you
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 to talk with each other and prepare to
selecting
Change the verb form
select
show examples
 stages together. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that you can start a conversation with whoever you want
as well as
 wherever you want, not only in
sports
 schools, because everywhere there are
people
 who want to communicate
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
To score higher on coherence and cohesion, make sure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Your introduction and conclusion are present, but the ideas are somewhat undeveloped and could be better connected.
task achievement
Develop your points more fully with additional specific examples and clearer, more comprehensive ideas. You provided a good overview but could elaborate further for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
You managed to provide a response that covers both perspectives and included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay clearly.
task achievement
Your task response effectively covered the major points of the topic, clearly presenting both sides of the argument and giving your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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