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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, in some countries, children are given fewer responsibilities than in the past. Some people believe it is a positive development while others argue otherwise. Discuss both views. What is your opinion?

#countries #children #responsibilities #people #development
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While
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 some people argue that kids are getting fewer responsibilities today as compared to the past, many others believe that it is a largely negative development because they will not be able to cope with the big rules, which they are going to play later in
life
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.
This
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 essay intends to discuss both perspectives. I think both experiences are good in their own way. There are many reasons why some individuals hold the opinion that nowadays parents do not give them as many duties as they used to get in previous times.
Firstly
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, It is a positive point because, in
this
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 era of competition, they are already struggling with many other things. If they get other tasks to finish, I think they are the worst sufferers and will not be able to grow in
life
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 in
this
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 rat race.
Secondly
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, being able to focus is the key to success nowadays because
this
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 is what everybody is lacking, and the more on their plate, the less focused they will be. So, in view of
this
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 phenomenon, guardians are doing their best for their children so that they can have balanced lives.
On the other hand
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, those who assert that it is a negative development, give their reasons as follows.
Firstly
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, they can not deal with multitasking, which is very popular nowadays in workplaces.
For example
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, the goal of the fast-food business is to reap the maximum benefit by reducing
labor
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labour
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. I think, in that case, if children are not used to dealing with different things at the same time, they will not survive, and giving up can be the option left for them.
Furthermore
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, being responsible makes them strong individuals, and when they are good enough to deal with every task
life
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 throws at them, they can do anything in
life
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 despite the challenges. In conclusion, I reiterate my opinion that confidence is the key to success, which comes with being able to finish every task whether it is related to office, school, or house, but keep in mind the aptitude of the child which can vary from kid to kid, and it should not be imposed on the children.
Submitted by sidhunarinder591 on

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development
Ensure all main points in the essay are sufficiently supported with examples and explanations. Currently, some arguments appear underdeveloped without adequate examples to enhance them.
cohesion
Work on the use of transitions within and between paragraphs to enhance clarity and guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both views and including a personal opinion.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively framing the discussion and providing a summary of the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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