IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years
There is no denying the fact that a lot of people
required
Add a missing verb
are required
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
age
 group
to comment
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to have all the time for education.
This
 essay will analyze the topic from both points of view and express my opinion.  I totally agree, to the young
age
 to have
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
focused
 and all-time kept for the education, because in
this
 specific
age
 your main have the power to understand the information.
In addition
,In
this
age
, you can choose a lot of
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 to
learned
Change the form of the verb
learn
show examples
.
However
, in the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 you know what you want to be in the future.
For instance
, if
you
Add a verb
you are
you were
show examples
interesting
Wrong verb form
interested
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 biology you will
be think
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 maybe
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 want to become a scientist.
Also
, for young
ages
Add a comma
ages,
show examples
 all of
responses
Add an article
the responses
show examples
 in
this
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
to
Add a missing verb
are to
show examples
 learn more and, grow.
Have
Wrong verb form
Having
show examples
Correct article usage
a full
show examples
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
 will help you to grow in a lot of skills .
Such
 as,
speak
Wrong verb form
speaking
show examples
 another language and
know
Wrong verb form
knowing
show examples
 information about computer skills.
Submitted by modhialarjani1999 on

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task achievement
Your essay should start with a strong introduction that presents the topic clearly. Define your stance from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use paragraphs effectively by separating different ideas. Each paragraph should contain one main idea supported by examples and explanations.
task achievement
Work on providing clear examples that are detailed and linked back to your main point to make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your position clearly. This gives a sense of completion and closure to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Vary your sentence structures and use linking words to connect ideas smoothly (e.g., furthermore, moreover, therefore). This improves readability and flow.
task achievement
You have touched upon several key arguments supporting the importance of education for young people.
task achievement
You have noted the broad benefits of education, such as skill development, which is great for illustrating the importance of continuous education.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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