Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
art
is Capitalize word
Art
one
of the best way
to express culture Change to a plural noun
ways
snd
history across the world. nowadays, Correct your spelling
and
however
, it is being argued that teaching art
to children
at school is waste
of money and some think it is imperative for a student Correct article usage
a waste
learn
Add the particle
to learn
art
.
fristly
, Correct your spelling
Firstly
art
repersent
Correct your spelling
represents
culture
and history of a particular Correct article usage
the culture
natio
, by teaching Correct your spelling
nation
art
to the children
, it could be a better way for children
to get familiar with their anchester's
traditional culture. Change noun form
ancient
secondly
Add a comma
secondly,
although
art
is not the
subject that can be learned through Correct article usage
a
couple
of years, as it takes time for Change the article
a couple
one
to be a master in this
field but
still it should be Remove the conjunction
apply
tought
by schools as it would increase chances, Correct your spelling
taught
thought
hidden
talent Change preposition
of hidden
to came
out and shine the world with their Wrong verb form
coming
art
.
There are couple pf
reasons why people think that teaching Correct your spelling
of
art
is waste
of money. Correct article usage
a waste
First
Correct article usage
The first
one
, lack
of opportunity, other sectors Add a missing verb
is lack
such
as science , business and technology has
more profitable job Correct subject-verb agreement
have
prospect
as Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
realtive
to Correct your spelling
relative
art
these days. This
is a factor that parents wants
to more focus on these subjects rather than Change the verb form
want
art
. second one
development in IT sectors , due to
advancement
of technology Correct article usage
the advancement
children
also
wants
to spend time with Correct subject-verb agreement
want
digitals
gadgets rather than doing Fix the agreement mistake
digital
art
activities such
as painting, which leads to , guardians less intrested to spend money on art
classes.
to sum
up
Add a comma
up,
art
should be optional
subject in schools as it should be available for those who Add an article
an optional
wants
to develop their skills. Change the verb form
want
Correct article usage
The Goverment
Goverment
, meanwhile, Correct your spelling
Government
also
should create more opportunities for artist
in order to preserve Fix the agreement mistake
artists
skills
of Correct article usage
the skills
art
.Submitted by amarbatth367 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay does address the task but could benefit from deeper, more comprehensive arguments and examples. Expanding on personal or societal impacts of art education could strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer and more logical structure. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that your points flow logically from one to the next. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction and conclusion by clearly stating your position, summarizing key points, and providing a strong final statement. This will help in presenting a more rounded essay.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good effort in covering both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The importance of art in representing culture and history is well noted and provides a solid foundation for your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your intention to provide a conclusion that offers a nuanced opinion is commendable, as it suggests a fair assessment of both views.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.