IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that the best way to increase the road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #road #safety #age #cars
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At present, it is necessary to consider road
safety
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 a serious matter. Some individuals are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of raising the minimum legal
age
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 for getting a license in order to enhance the
safety
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 of
roads
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. I partially agree with
this
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 viewpoint and believe that other measures,
such
Linking Words
 as providing training
sessions
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 to learners and implementing some strict
rules
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, should be taken into notice. To initiate with the mentioned point, it is true that introducing a new
age
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 limit for driving vehicles on
roads
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 can provide learners enough time to practice more before they start driving on busy
roads
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.
Moreover
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, pupils will have a higher maturity level at the time of receiving a driving license,
consequently
Linking Words
 hindering them from practising unnecessary harmful stunts on the
roads
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.
For instance
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, 18 is the legal
age
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 to drive which is a period of personal development and learners often come under peer pressure at
this
Linking Words
age
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 and try to perform serious tasks on the
roads
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, increasing the legal
age
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 can help to increase the road
safety
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 to some extent. Stretching towards other measures, people should attend driving
sessions
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 to broaden their knowledge about
safety
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 and traffic
rules
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they should be provided
a
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with a
show examples
full description of serious life-long impacts after involving in serious offences.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by the urban traffic department revealed that the cities
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 have attended the
safety
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sessions
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 have less amount of accidents 70%
Besides
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, the government should
pose
Verb problem
impose
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 some strict
rules
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 for the offenders. There should be some effective punishment to teach them a lesson. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 increasing the legal
age
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 can lead to better road
safety
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, I believe other steps
such
Linking Words
 as providing
safety
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sessions
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 and implementing more strict
rules
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 can help in a better way.
Submitted by kknavdeep2000 on

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task achievement
Your essay should provide a complete response to the question. Ensure all aspects of the topic are covered, and consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Strive to make your main ideas clearer and more comprehensive by elaborating on them with more specific details and supporting evidence. This will make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Although your examples are relevant, try to include more specific and diverse examples to further support your points. This will enhance the quality of your response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain a logical flow in your essay. Each paragraph should link clearly to the next, aiding in the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a structured introduction and conclusion. Ensure that they succinctly summarize your main points while reinforcing your overall thesis.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed evidence, ensuring that the relationship between your ideas is clear. This will make your arguments more convincing and coherent.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a structured introduction and conclusion, providing a clear framework for your discussion.
task achievement
You successfully address the main topic and aspects of the question, showing a good understanding of the issue.
task achievement
Your arguments are relevant and supported by examples, which enhances the quality of your response.
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