IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some poeple think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#poeple #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams
Nowadays, it is said that more money should be invested in motorways and roads rather than on the
transport
 systems available for the public because of the former's exceptional benefits
such
 as less
commutting
Correct your spelling
commuting
computing
 time.
However
,
this
 author argues that public
transport
 is more advantageous
due to
 it being environmentally friendly. Some people might contend that private vehicles are now much more common among the citizens around the world, and the improvement in road facilities will be beneficial. They think that,
for example
, less time can be spent on driving, leaving more to be used for work and study.
While
this
 may be a valid point, the development
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 cars and similar automobiles can be detrimental to the environment. The reason is that the ecosystem to suffer severe destruction to facilitate these improvements, alongside the higher figures for pollution and congestion resulting from the subsequent increase in private
transport
 usage. It should be noted that investing in public
transport
 systems is a way to preserve the environment.
In other words
, public
transport
 users have much less carbon footprint because they do not use private automobiles.
Furthurmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the expansion of public
transport
 facilities,
such
 as bus routes and railway lines, does little
dmamge
Correct your spelling
damage
 to the surrounding ecosystem, as it is not
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to clear vast
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 of forest for these changes.
As a result
, pouring money into
this
 sector not only boost
transport
 in general
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 help keep the world clean, making it more important and vital to consider as an option. Taking all points into account, spending money on
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
transport
 system is more crucial and beneficial
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to the road infrastructure because of the environmental concerns.
Therefore
, it should have been shown that more funding should be appropriately allocated to boost the development of public
transport
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that all your main points are well-supported with relevant and specific examples. While the essay mentions the environmental benefits of public transport, it would be stronger with more concrete examples and data.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to small spelling and grammatical errors. They can affect readability and coherence. For example, 'commutting' should be 'commuting', 'dmamge' should be 'damage', 'neccessary' should be 'necessary', and 'furthermore' was misspelled as 'furthurmore'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The main points are clearly stated and generally well-supported. The argument that public transport is more environmentally friendly is particularly strong.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: