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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet has transformed the way we live, but it has alos created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?

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In the modern era, the
internet
Use synonyms
 has become
the
Change the article
an
show examples
 integral part of
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life,
however
Linking Words
,
along with
Linking Words
 technological advancement, numerous severe issues are origin by the
internet
Use synonyms
 will stop
this
Linking Words
 as a discuss about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems and
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 off the
internet
Use synonyms
. When it comes to the problems
Correct pronoun usage
that emerged
show examples
emerged
Wrong verb form
emerge
show examples
 from the
internet
Use synonyms
, the first and foremost most
commonly
Change the word
common
show examples
 issues
comes
Correct pronoun usage
that comes
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 light
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 online scams and frauds. Since people have started using digital
transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
show examples
 and online banking through
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, they off only
targeted
Add a missing verb
been targeted
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scammers. They always seek innocent individuals from whom they can still information, which is called fishing.
Secondly
Linking Words
, people especially
Young
Correct article usage
the Young
show examples
 Generation
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 using the
internet
Use synonyms
 immensely these days for online classes, online games and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social media.
This
Linking Words
 addictive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is not wise for their physical
as well as
Linking Words
 mental health.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors
Add a comma
doctors,
show examples
 76% population of children have weaker eyesight in the world
due to
Linking Words
 the excessive use of the
internet
Use synonyms
. If they continue to do so they will have to undergo
eye-surgeries
Correct your spelling
eye surgeries
show examples
. When it comes to the solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the given problem, the first and the most effective one, I believe is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 strong security measures needs to be implemented by online websites on their online services. So that they can easily
detected
Change the verb form
be detected
detect
show examples
 and
logged
Wrong verb form
log
show examples
 sensitive data in case of stealing
install
Verb problem
apply
show examples
secondly
Linking Words
, social awareness could be the possible course of action through the government can reduce the usage of the
internet
Use synonyms
 among the Younger demographics.
This
Linking Words
 can be done by
familiarize
Wrong verb form
familiarising
show examples
 them with
severe
Correct article usage
the severe
show examples
 repercussions and negative impacts of the
internet
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2017, as
online
Correct article usage
the online
show examples
 shopping website Amazon realized that their customers
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 triggered by online scammers, they started using
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
time
Correct your spelling
one-time
show examples
 password method to secure the safety of their customers and the data has been
showed
Change the verb form
showing
shown
show examples
 that
this
Linking Words
 matter successfully dropped online scamming by 73%. In conclusion, the
internet
Use synonyms
 is
Boon
Correct article usage
a Boon
show examples
 for our modern society, which has a lot of positive impacts,
however
Linking Words
,
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 negative sides cannot be ignored. After considering the
internet
Use synonyms
's role in the modern world, I believe,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 have to learn how to use the
internet
Use synonyms
 wisely.

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coherence cohesion
You should improve the logical flow of ideas in your essay. At times, the transitions between ideas feel abrupt and lack seamless connection. Try using more cohesive devices and linking words to join sentences and paragraphs together smoothly.
coherence cohesion
There are areas with grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'the internet has become the integral part of human's life' should be 'the internet has become an integral part of human life'. Focus on refining these sentences for clarity, and consider proofreading for grammatical issues.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples, but ensure they are clearly linked to the problem or solution being discussed. For example, your mention of children and weaker eyesight due to internet use could be expanded on by linking directly to the specific problems it causes.
task achievement
You have successfully identified two major problems associated with the internet – online scams and excessive use by young people. This shows good understanding of current issues.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay and offers a perspective on the responsible use of the internet.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • transformation
  • revolutionized
  • exponential growth
  • innovations
  • vulnerable
  • breach
  • safeguard
  • encryption
  • phishing
  • awareness
  • dependence
  • isolation
  • accessibility
  • empowerment
  • dissemination
  • verification
  • credibility
  • regulation
  • legislation
  • collaboration
  • ethical
  • accountability
  • authenticate
  • counterfeit
  • regulate
  • monitor
  • educate
  • promote
  • implement
  • enforce
  • combat
  • enhance
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