IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Beside a lot of advantages, some people believe that the Internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #internet
Over the
last
 few years,
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
becomes
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 one of the most controversial topics among people in the twenty-first century.l believe that it has a lot of advantages
as well as
 some drawbacks.l do not ignore that because the web is a dangerous place and it is out of control.
Firstly
,
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
internet
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 source of harmful viruses and can lead to crimes as well.
For example
, online games called pubg implement a variety of shooting and violence among children and
also
 violence in the minds of teenagers can lead to delinquency and similar crimes.What is more,
alike
Correct your spelling
like
show examples
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of virtual games can cause behaviours of children
distrbution
Correct your spelling
distribution
.
Secondly
,
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the websites have unlimited information all over the field
however
, there is a downside to
this
. The main reason is that many young children can easily find a variety of information unknowable and forbidden for their age.Meanwhile,they spend their valuable time
instead
 of studying well and they do not want to go outside,
while
 they stay on the
internet
. In a nutshell,the
internet
 will forever be an arguable topic even if people tend to use it or ignore it .Even if the
internet
 has many good points it is more harmful to the younger generation.
Submitted by shakhzod0905 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from clearer organization. Consider using more structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly detract from clarity. For example, 'internet is becomes' should be 'internet has become.'
task achievement
Elaborate further on the points made. For example, provide more detailed explanations on how online games lead to violence or how unlimited information can be harmful.
task achievement
Include more specific examples. For instance, mention particular incidents or studies that support your claims about the downsides of the Internet.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the Internet, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, reinforcing the author's viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
What to do next:
Look at other essays: