IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that social networking sites have a hug negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

#people #sites #hug #impact #individuals #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent times, technology has become increasingly advanced, and many applications have been created to support individuals’ work.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is argued that social networking
sites
Use synonyms
 may offer several immense detrimental impacts on both the personal and societal levels. I would argue that
although
Linking Words
 social networking
sites
Use synonyms
 will be able to offer certain drawbacks, there are more positive impacts
such
Linking Words
 as experiencing diverse cultures and gaining new knowledge or skills. At first glance, the main drawback of social networking
platforms
Use synonyms
 is social impact. Once
people
Use synonyms
 typically work only on their screens and in their rooms, they tend to lose their confidence when they step outside their comfort zones.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it will mitigate personal abilities in order to express themselves.
According to
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 research conducted by Tokyo University in 2023, over 60% of regular social
media
Use synonyms
users
Use synonyms
 struggle with their self-confidence and verbal expression in the workplace after
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
show examples
 pandemic. Despite the downside of using social
media
Use synonyms
platforms
Use synonyms
, there are two benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when
users
Use synonyms
 engage in social
media
Use synonyms
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
, they have a tendency to experience diversely.
This
Linking Words
 is because
people
Use synonyms
 globally access the same
sites
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, which allow
users
Use synonyms
 to meet
people
Use synonyms
 from different backgrounds or nations, and
this
Linking Words
 is the feature connecting
people
Use synonyms
 together.
As a result
Linking Words
, those who aim to study abroad or move to other countries for employment, and they enable to adapt to the new environment quickly, especially to language barriers and culture shocks across the country. The other benefit is new knowledge gained. Social
media
Use synonyms
platforms
Use synonyms
 have become a place for sharing information from various sources, which offers potential benefits to its
users
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, governments frequently post information regarding volunteers on social
media
Use synonyms
platforms
Use synonyms
 because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way, it easily approaches voluntary seekers. Because of
this
Linking Words
, individuals have opportunities to participate and improve their resumes. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 social networking
sites
Use synonyms
 carry some drawbacks
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 social impact, these
platforms
Use synonyms
 may offer valuable advantages in terms of diversity and information awareness.
Submitted by Date on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You effectively address both aspects of the task by mentioning both the negative and positive impacts of social networking sites. However, try to provide a more balanced discussion by including more examples or expanding on the negative impacts to ensure a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Make sure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next to further enhance cohesion. Adding linking phrases between paragraphs would improve readability.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage by mentioning both the potential drawbacks and benefits of social networking sites.
task achievement
Your examples, such as the research by Tokyo University and references to Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, help to illustrate your points clearly.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, making it easy to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You successfully include both an introduction and a conclusion, reinforcing your overall argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: