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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the different home activities among young children in four different countries.

The graph below shows the different home activities among young children in four different countries.
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The bar chart illustrates the data about
four
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 kinds of home activities among
teenagers
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 in
Malaysia
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,
China
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,
Nigeria
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, and
Sudan
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, computer
games
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 are the most popular activity among young children in all the
countries
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 mentioned.
Conversely
Linking Words
, minority
teenagers
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 are willing to spend their time reading books. Dramatically,
teenagers
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 watching TV account for the same
percentage
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among
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
countries
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. It is obvious that
teenagers
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 playing video
games
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 account for the highest
percentage
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 among
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four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
 nations; 60% of young children in
Nigeria
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 play computer
games
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, followed by
Malaysia
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 and
Sudan
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 with the same
percentage
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 at 50%, and
China
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 is the lowest with 40%. All
teenagers
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 in the
four
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countries
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, with
Malaysia
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 ranking first at 20% and
China
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 coming in second at 15%, do not enjoy reading.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Nigeria
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 and
Sudan
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 have the same proportion of reading children, with 10%. It's interesting to note that all
four
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countries
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 share the same
percentage
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 of young people (30%) who watch TV. As for playing board
games
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,
Malaysia
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 and
China
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 account for the same
percentage
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, with 25%.
Nigeria
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 followed with 20%.
Sudan
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 has the same
percentage
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 of watching TV and playing board
games
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, both at 30%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words four, teenagers, malaysia, china, nigeria, sudan, games, countries, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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