Some people think that it is beneficial for children to play games online, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #children #games

Playing online is a way

that is

significantly popular among

children

While

certain crowds claim that playing

games

online has many advantages, I agree with those who believe that the disadvantages of

this

approach

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

overshadow the advantages. Virtual game areas are utterly exciting and fascinating.

This

area is said to be

much

Fix the agreement mistake

apply

show examples

attractive

that

Correct word choice

and

show examples

can persuade many kids to use

them

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

and spend their time playing with

them

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

. There

are

Change the verb form

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

majority of vibrant

colors

Change the spelling

colours

show examples

and excellent designs

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

are able to motivate the majority of

children

However

, I think

this

area is destructive and may bring about a lack of concentration. In my opinion, if

children

take part in online

games

, they will not tend to focus on important issues like their education

due to

destructive areas and fast movement.

On the other hand

, playing online may cause many demerits. Sedantry gaming may cause several health issues

such

as obesity. When

children

tend to play online

games

, either with smartphones or any other devices, they probably sit and do the minimum level of activity.

In addition

, kids may lose control over what they eat and they may eat a lot of junk food.

Due to

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

two

factor

Fix the agreement mistake

factors

show examples

, obesity will be a crucial issue in the future.

Furthermore

, online gaming may impact communication between

children

as they do not participate in teams and play. The worst effect is that kids, after a

while

, are not able to make

friendsfriend

Correct your spelling

friends

or maintain their relationships.

Nonetheless

children

will experience loneliness in the future

as a result

of a lack of

cooperative

Replace the word

cooperation

show examples

and

teamworking

Correct your spelling

teamwork

show examples

manner. In conclusion,

although

supporters of online gaming say that it has benefits for

children

according to

its vibrant and fascinating area, I wholeheartedly believe that attending online

games

may cause some health problems like obesity and

also

, affect

children

's communication in the future.

Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on Wed Aug 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

The introduction should more clearly outline the advantages and disadvantages before stating your opinion. This helps set up the essay for better coherence and a clear response to the prompt.

task achievement

Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is supported by specific examples. This will improve both coherence and the strength of the arguments presented.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, making it clear where you stand.

task achievement

The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an awareness of different perspectives, which strengthens the task achievement score.

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

307 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive skills
problem-solving
critical thinking
hand-eye coordination
reflexes
teamwork
communication skills
multiplayer
cooperative games
addiction
prolonged screen time
inappropriate content
online predators
aggressive behavior
violent games
physical activities
face-to-face interactions

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Some people think that it is beneficial for children to play games online, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century, and sea levels continue to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this, and what are some possible solutions?

THE PLANS BELOW SHOW THE LAYOUT OF A PUBLIC LIBRARY NOW, AND HOW IT WILL LOOK AFTER DEVELOPMENT

some believe that government should ban dangerous sports while other argue that there should be freed to do any sports or activity

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Countries around the world will be facing significant challenges relating not only to the environment, but population and education as well. What problems will your country face in the next ten years? How can these problems be overcome?

It is believed that citizens should pay tax to show their social responsibility. Others believe citizens should take other responsibilities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.