Some people think that it is beneficial for children to play games online, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #children #games

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Playing online is a way

that is

Linking Words

significantly popular among

children

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

certain crowds claim that playing

games

Use synonyms

online has many advantages, I agree with those who believe that the disadvantages of

this

Linking Words

approach

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

overshadow the advantages. Virtual game areas are utterly exciting and fascinating.

This

Linking Words

area is said to be

much

Fix the agreement mistake

apply

show examples

attractive

that

Correct word choice

and

show examples

can persuade many kids to use

them

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

and spend their time playing with

them

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

. There

are

Change the verb form

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

majority of vibrant

colors

Change the spelling

colours

show examples

and excellent designs

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

are able to motivate the majority of

children

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, I think

this

Linking Words

area is destructive and may bring about a lack of concentration. In my opinion, if

children

Use synonyms

take part in online

games

Use synonyms

, they will not tend to focus on important issues like their education

due to

Linking Words

destructive areas and fast movement.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, playing online may cause many demerits. Sedantry gaming may cause several health issues

such

Linking Words

as obesity. When

children

Use synonyms

tend to play online

games

Use synonyms

, either with smartphones or any other devices, they probably sit and do the minimum level of activity.

In addition

Linking Words

, kids may lose control over what they eat and they may eat a lot of junk food.

Due to

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

two

factor

Fix the agreement mistake

factors

show examples

, obesity will be a crucial issue in the future.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, online gaming may impact communication between

children

Use synonyms

as they do not participate in teams and play. The worst effect is that kids, after a

while

Linking Words

, are not able to make

friendsfriend

Correct your spelling

friends

or maintain their relationships.

Nonetheless

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

will experience loneliness in the future

as a result

Linking Words

of a lack of

cooperative

Replace the word

cooperation

show examples

and

teamworking

Correct your spelling

teamwork

show examples

manner. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

supporters of online gaming say that it has benefits for

children

Use synonyms

according to

Linking Words

its vibrant and fascinating area, I wholeheartedly believe that attending online

games

Use synonyms

may cause some health problems like obesity and

also

Linking Words

, affect

children

Use synonyms

's communication in the future.

Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on Wed Aug 07 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

The introduction should more clearly outline the advantages and disadvantages before stating your opinion. This helps set up the essay for better coherence and a clear response to the prompt.

task achievement

Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is supported by specific examples. This will improve both coherence and the strength of the arguments presented.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, making it clear where you stand.

task achievement

The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an awareness of different perspectives, which strengthens the task achievement score.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

307 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive skills
problem-solving
critical thinking
hand-eye coordination
reflexes
teamwork
communication skills
multiplayer
cooperative games
addiction
prolonged screen time
inappropriate content
online predators
aggressive behavior
violent games
physical activities
face-to-face interactions

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
In present, more adolecents choosed spend time with friends in online other than meeting in the real life in person. Besides, meeting mate in person will brings another experiences and story. In this essay, I will explain two reason why young people love to meet friends in virtual.
4
band
Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
While many believe that renovation of old buildings can be costly, others argue that by knocked down the old one and rebuilding modern structures is considering to be an appropriate approach. The reasons why I agree with latter statement will be elaborated on in this essay.
6
band
In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that governments should levy a tariff on junk food because the number of health risks associated with consuming this kind of food is on the rise. This essay agrees that a higher rate of tax should be paid by fast-food companies. Firstly, alcohol and tobacco companies already pay higher taxes; secondly, higher taxes could raise prices and lower consumption.
<4
band
International travel is cheaper and more convenient than ever. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Benefits of cheap and convenient international travel have become an integral part of the rising debate in the present world.
6.5
band
The threat of nuclear weapons maintains the world peace. The benefits of nuclear technology far out-weight the disadvantages.
In contemporary society, due to the development of technology, the interest in nuclear weapons has increased. The threat of nuclear weapons could be beneficial to our society such as inventing technology, however, I also believe this has harmful effects on not only society but also citizens's lives so that it can't maintain world peace.

Some people think that it is beneficial for children to play games online, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

International travel is cheaper and more convenient than ever. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

The threat of nuclear weapons maintains the world peace. The benefits of nuclear technology far out-weight the disadvantages.