Some people think that it is beneficial for children to play games online, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Playing online is a way
that is
significantly popular among children
. While
certain crowds claim that playing games
online has many advantages, I agree with those who believe that the disadvantages of this
approach are
overshadow the advantages.
Virtual game areas are utterly exciting and fascinating. Unnecessary verb
apply
This
area is said to be much
attractive Fix the agreement mistake
apply
that
can persuade many kids to use Correct word choice
and
them
and spend their time playing with Correct pronoun usage
it
them
. There Correct pronoun usage
it
are
Change the verb form
is
the
majority of vibrant Correct article usage
a
colors
and excellent designs Change the spelling
colours
that
are able to motivate the majority of Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
. However
, I think this
area is destructive and may bring about a lack of concentration. In my opinion, if children
take part in online games
, they will not tend to focus on important issues like their education due to
destructive areas and fast movement.
On the other hand
, playing online may cause many demerits. Sedantry gaming may cause several health issues such
as obesity. When children
tend to play online games
, either with smartphones or any other devices, they probably sit and do the minimum level of activity. In addition
, kids may lose control over what they eat and they may eat a lot of junk food. Due to
this
two Correct determiner usage
these
factor
, obesity will be a crucial issue in the future. Fix the agreement mistake
factors
Furthermore
, online gaming may impact communication between children
as they do not participate in teams and play. The worst effect is that kids, after a while
, are not able to make friendsfriend
or maintain their relationships. Correct your spelling
friends
Nonetheless
, children
will experience loneliness in the future as a result
of a lack of cooperative
and Replace the word
cooperation
teamworking
manner.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
teamwork
although
supporters of online gaming say that it has benefits for children
according to
its vibrant and fascinating area, I wholeheartedly believe that attending online games
may cause some health problems like obesity and also
, affect children
's communication in the future.Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction should more clearly outline the advantages and disadvantages before stating your opinion. This helps set up the essay for better coherence and a clear response to the prompt.
task achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is supported by specific examples. This will improve both coherence and the strength of the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion, making it clear where you stand.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an awareness of different perspectives, which strengthens the task achievement score.