Research into new types of medicine and treatments are essential for improving health and dealing with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or governments?

Enhancing health and treatment methods is crucial for both society and
individuals
, necessitating the support of medical
research
. In
this
essay, I will explain why the
government
should take majority responsibility for medical
research
.
However
, private
companies
and
individuals
should
also
assist those
research
programs. Develop medical
research
and improve treatments that are beneficial for all of society.
Therefore
, it is imperative that all segments of society endorse
this
progress.
However
, the majority of the responsibility for funding
these researches
Fix the agreement mistake
this research
show examples
should fall on the
government
. First and foremost, financing
research
necessitates a substantial financial investment, which only the
government
can afford.
Secondly
, the
government
has the public authority to support medical development. Engaging medical
research
must involve relevant authorities,
such
as hospitals and laboratories.
Government
funding makes it easier to mobilize these resources.
Finally
, medicine and treatment are matters of public safety; the
government
should not only fund those
research
projects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
supervise the
research
process to ensure their security. All citizens share in the benefits of medical
research
.
Therefore
, both private
companies
and
individuals
should contribute to medical
research
to the best of their abilities. Private
companies
could donate and offer some necessary resources for medical
organizations
to support their
research
.
Individuals
,
on the other hand
, can assist with simple but necessary tasks as volunteers in their free time. In conclusion, the establishment of medical
research
organizations
necessitates a substantial financial commitment, and the
government
should assume primary responsibility for funding these
organizations
to safeguard the public interest. Private
companies
and
individuals
could assist those medical
organizations
with the
research
.
Submitted by duzirong on

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task achievement
While your argument is well-presented, try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your overall essay and make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
Work on the clarity of your ideas. Sometimes your points can be a bit repetitive or unclear. For example, you repeat the idea that government funding facilitates mobilization of resources and public safety more than necessary.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent structure throughout your essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting sentences with evidence or examples, and a concluding sentence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which gives a clear direction and summary to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-organized and you have provided reasons for why the government should primarily fund medical research.
task achievement
You address the prompt directly and provide a complete response discussing both the role of the government and the role of private companies and individuals.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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