Human activity has damaged the environment all around the world. Some people think that humans cannot stop damaging the planet, whereas others believe that we can alter our behavior and prevent future damage. Discuss both sides and give your opinion
Over the
last
few decades, it has been a global problem that the natural world has been detrimented
by Correct your spelling
detrimental
decremented
people
. It is a subject matter whether
it is impossible to stop Change preposition
of whether
this
phenomenon or people
are able to change themselves and stave off potential risks. Correct word choice
whether people
Although
there are some inevitable risks in the near years, such
as global warming, from my standpoint, we still have a chance to alter the situation by
political restrictions and enhancement of Change preposition
through
people
's awareness.
On the one hand, humanity has triggered such
processes, which have become almost unstoppable. The prime example for
Change preposition
of
this
could be global warming. To explain, the population of earth
is increasing significantly and to meet Correct article usage
the earth
the
needs Change the word
their
of
Change preposition
apply
them
all Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
resources
are being used maximally. Add an article
the resources
As a consequence
, global warming has become a main issue, resulting in improving the average temperature of the planet and starting to melt ices
in Antarctica. It is estimated by scientists that coming to 2050th year, the average temperature level will exceed Fix the agreement mistake
ice
the
50, making Correct article usage
apply
people
more difficult to endure it.
On the other hand
, I argue that there are still measures we can do
to inhibit the Verb problem
take
going
trend. One option would be an injection of laws that restrict the harming human activities towards the habitation. The UN is the international body, which has the authority to do Correct your spelling
ongoing
such
feats , and countries also
can take the initiative at the national level to put some boundaries in using natural resources. Punishments, for instance
, are the most practical and efficient way to discourage people
or other entities from going to infringements of rules. If subjects understand that logging, for example
, would lead to particular sanctions, they would change their mind about it.
In addition
, making people
aware of possible damages and urging them to do more environmentally friendly activities is another good option in the way of prevention
Replace the word
preventing
of
nature from being damaged in the future. Even though killing is a punishable crime, murder is happening in large amounts. Alternatively, setting off rules might not be enough unless we instruct Change preposition
apply
people
how
to treat the living world. It could be done by Change preposition
on how
publication of
books, making documentaries, TV programs, and videos for social media that will serve Wrong verb form
publishing
for
Change preposition
to
inhibition
Replace the word
inhibit
of
possible threats by informing Change preposition
apply
people
about it
.
Correct pronoun usage
them
To conclude
, although
some problems like global warming have become inevitable, in my opinion, implementing new laws to restrict bad human actions and creating more materials to enlighten the population about natural problems.Submitted by abdulaziz on
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task achievement
You did well in presenting both sides of the argument. However, aim to directly address and refute counterarguments where applicable to strengthen your stance.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow is generally clear, but transition phrases can be improved to enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Support your points with more relevant and specific examples to make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is effective in setting the stage for the essay and clearly outlines the main points of discussion.
task achievement
You've shown a good grasp of the subject, analyzing both sides of the argument adequately.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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