Human activity has damaged the environment all around the world. Some people think that humans cannot stop damaging the planet, whereas others believe that we can alter our behavior and prevent future damage. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Over the
last
few decades, it has been a global problem that the natural world has been
detrimented
Correct your spelling
detrimental
decremented
by
people
. It is a subject matter
whether
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of whether
show examples
it is impossible to stop
this
phenomenon or
people
Correct word choice
whether people
show examples
are able to change themselves and stave off potential risks.
Although
there are some inevitable risks in the near years,
such
as global warming, from my standpoint, we still have a chance to alter the situation
by
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through
show examples
political restrictions and enhancement of
people
's awareness. On the one hand, humanity has triggered
such
processes, which have become almost unstoppable. The prime example
for
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of
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this
could be global warming. To explain, the population of
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
show examples
is increasing significantly and to meet
the
Change the word
their
show examples
needs
of
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apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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all
of
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apply
show examples
resources
Add an article
the resources
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are being used maximally.
As a consequence
, global warming has become a main issue, resulting in improving the average temperature of the planet and starting to melt
ices
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ice
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in Antarctica. It is estimated by scientists that coming to 2050th year, the average temperature level will exceed
the
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apply
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50, making
people
more difficult to endure it.
On the other hand
, I argue that there are still measures we can
do
Verb problem
take
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to inhibit the
going
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ongoing
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trend. One option would be an injection of laws that restrict the harming human activities towards the habitation. The UN is the international body, which has the authority to do
such
feats , and countries
also
can take the initiative at the national level to put some boundaries in using natural resources. Punishments,
for instance
, are the most practical and efficient way to discourage
people
or other entities from going to infringements of rules. If subjects understand that logging,
for example
, would lead to particular sanctions, they would change their mind about it.
In addition
, making
people
aware of possible damages and urging them to do more environmentally friendly activities is another good option in the way of
prevention
Replace the word
preventing
show examples
of
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apply
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nature from being damaged in the future. Even though killing is a punishable crime, murder is happening in large amounts. Alternatively, setting off rules might not be enough unless we instruct
people
how
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on how
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to treat the living world. It could be done by
publication of
Wrong verb form
publishing
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books, making documentaries, TV programs, and videos for social media that will serve
for
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to
show examples
inhibition
Replace the word
inhibit
show examples
of
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apply
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possible threats by informing
people
about
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
To conclude
,
although
some problems like global warming have become inevitable, in my opinion, implementing new laws to restrict bad human actions and creating more materials to enlighten the population about natural problems.
Submitted by abdulaziz on

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task achievement
You did well in presenting both sides of the argument. However, aim to directly address and refute counterarguments where applicable to strengthen your stance.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow is generally clear, but transition phrases can be improved to enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Support your points with more relevant and specific examples to make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is effective in setting the stage for the essay and clearly outlines the main points of discussion.
task achievement
You've shown a good grasp of the subject, analyzing both sides of the argument adequately.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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