IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the main methods of transportation for people traveling to a university for work or study in 2004 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons wherever relevant.

The chart shows the main methods of transportation for people traveling to a university for work or study in 2004 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons wherever relevant.
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The given charts compare the primary methods of individuals who used transportation for travelling, either for study or employment in two years, 2004 and 2009 A more
detail
Replace the word
detailed
show examples
 examination reveals that the proportion of people seeking for car as a mode of transport
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 surged from 28 to 51 per cent in 2009.
In contrast
Linking Words
, students or workers who used
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
show examples
 for travelling to institutions or office buildings fell sharply from one-fifth to just below one-half of a quarter.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2009, the emphasis on using
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
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 increased significantly, reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
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16 per cent.
While
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
walking and using
train
Add an article
the train
a train
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, a
combine
Change the verb form
combined
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 value of 10 per cent was observed. A marginal increase In their value.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is vividly manifested that the most popular transport used by
public
Add an article
the public
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 was
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
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 whilst the second favourite vehicle used as transportation, was
car
Add an article
a car
the car
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the percentile of
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
 rose gradually,
while
Linking Words
 train and walking showed marginal growth.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "marginal" was used 2 times.
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