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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population living in cities in four Asian countries from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population living in cities in four Asian countries from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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This
Linking Words
 line graph shows the proportions of the population in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 , Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia living in urban areas from 1970 to
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 and predictions for the future
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there are some significant gaps in the number of people who live in cities,
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
all four countries show
Add an article
an
show examples
upward trend. Focusing first on two countries that
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 percentage in 1970, in Malaysia, the figure of people in the cities dramatically increased in
Correct article usage
the 1990’s
show examples
1990’s
Fix apostrophe usage
1990s
show examples
 and excessed that in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 during
this
Linking Words
 period.
Exmaning
Correct your spelling
Examining
 the projections
next,
Linking Words
the gap between these two countries will be 20 % in 2040
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 difference in 1970 was almost 3 %
Next,
Linking Words
Indonesia experienced considerable growth in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of people in the cities from past to present,
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 about 5 times compared to
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1970.
In addition
Linking Words
, Thailand saw a stable figure from 1990 to 2020.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
similarly
Add a comma
similarly,
show examples
 in Indonesia, it will see a dramatic increase in the future.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next, ".
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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