IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The gap between rich and poor countries is expanding. How can it be resolved?

#gap #countries
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The economic distance between developed and developing
countries
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 is widening. There are some reasons why it could happen,
such
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 as product characteristics, human resources and governance policies. To solve
this
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 issue, knowledge transfer and sharing technology platforms from rich
countries
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 could be possible solutions. I will elaborate more on
this
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 essay. Increasing a
country
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's income is one of the main agenda of each government in the world. To realize
this
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, the
country
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do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 trade with others. Developing
countries
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 trade raw materials which usually have lower prices,
otherwise
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 developed
countries
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 trade finished
products
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 which are more valuable and have higher prices.
Furthermore
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, developing
countries
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 usually rely on natural resources which not renewable and scalable,
while
Linking Words
 developed
countries
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 depend on high-technology
products
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 that could be scaled.
This
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 phenomenon leads to the
country
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's income difference. If producing and selling finished
products
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 are more profitable, why do developing
countries
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do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not do similar things? It is because their capacity is not that capable to do so. To produce finished
products
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, a
country
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 needs experts.
Then
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 to have some experts, a
country
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 needs to have good education quality.
Then
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, how good education quality in a
country
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 is related to how their policymakers work, where most of the time they don't have a good policy.
Therefore
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, to simplify and accelerate the solution, developed
countries
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 have to train and share their expertise with developing
countries
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. It will
make
Verb problem
give
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 them
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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experts
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 could lead the finished product initiatives. In summary, the economic gap between rich and poor
countries
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 needs to be narrowed. It needs serious action from all stakeholders. Knowledge sharing is a form of collaboration and togetherness among all
countries
Use synonyms
 to realize prosperity.
Submitted by alfianarrizkyp on

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task response
While the essay provides a complete response to the prompt, try to include more specific examples to illustrate your points. Examples could involve specific industries or countries.
task response
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas. However, it would be more impactful if each point was elaborated in a separate paragraph. This would enhance readability and ensure each idea is thoroughly explored.
coherence cohesion
For better cohesion, use more varied linking words or phrases to connect the paragraphs and ideas. This will make the essay flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Remember to introduce the main points clearly in the introduction and summarize them concisely in the conclusion. This strengthens the overall structure.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which appropriately frame the main arguments.
task response
The ideas presented in the essay are relevant and address the prompt effectively. The solution proposed (knowledge sharing and technology transfer) is practical and thoughtful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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