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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below depicts the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie charts below shows how electricity is used in an average home in the same country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make cmparison where relevant.

The graph below depicts the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie charts below shows how electricity is used in an average home in the same country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make cmparison where relevant.
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A glance at the line chart provides information about the request for
electricity
Use synonyms
 during winter and summer in England from 00:00 to 24:00. Meanwhile, the pie chart elucidates the usage of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in one country.
Overall
Linking Words
, in winter, the highest demand for power is between 21:00 and 24:00,
while
Linking Words
 in summer, the peak happens at 12:00 - 15:00 and 21:00 - 24:00.
In addition
Linking Words
, heating rooms and heating water is the largest share of the usage. On the one hand, in winter, at the beginning of the time, the
electricity
Use synonyms
 consumption made up approximately 35.000
units
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
, it increased significantly to 40.000
units
Use synonyms
 before falling to nearly 30.000
units
Use synonyms
 at 05:00. After that, it rose dramatically to just below 50.000
units
Use synonyms
 at 22:00.
Finally
Linking Words
, it dropped by about 10.000
units
Use synonyms
 by the end of the period.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in summer, there are differences in the requirement for
electricity
Use synonyms
. At 00:00, it stood at approximately 18.000
units
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 decreased to nearly 15.000
units
Use synonyms
 at 07:00 before reaching its peak of 20.000
units
Use synonyms
 at 14:00.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it fell again by 5.000
units
Use synonyms
 and back to hit its peak at 23:00. Looking in more detail at the pie chart, heating tools made up around half of the total usage, comprising 52,5%, followed by kitchen amenities which brought in 17.5%.
Finally
Linking Words
, other electric tools consisted of 30% of the total.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, units with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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