Crimes and other kinds of information on TV and newspaper have bad consequences. This kind of information should be restricted to be shown in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.
There is a view shared by a certain number of people that close relatives play a significant role in the life of an adolescent.
According to
the opposing opinion, the media sphere, social circles, and culture are affecting the younger generation more. I tend to agree with the first point, as parents
are the main interactors in the first crucial years.
On the one hand, children grow up in a homely environment, surrounded by parents
and, sometimes, brothers or sisters. They are the ones that a minor sees daily, speaks to, and plays with. And in
Correct word choice
In
this
first developmental stage, youngsters are easily influenced by adults, who generally choose their educational path and entertainment activities. Moreso, adolescents’ brains are not fully developed yet, which does not allow them to form opinions on serious matters, and they feel the need to rely on parents
and other close people. For instance
, my little brother, before he turned the age of 7, used to copy my hobbies and interests, If I said I liked a particular movie, he would claim that it was his favorite
too.
Change the spelling
favourite
On the other hand
, some think that family does not play an important role in a child's development. They believe that friends and TV may affect minors more, especially in the teenage rebellion era. Juniors tend to defy the views and opinions of their parents
, choosing something opposite. The media sphere and other factors create independent thinking, and family’s influence grows weaker. For example
, my best friend, whom I have known since childhood, became emo in her teenage years, as it was popular back then
. Despite her parents
’ disapproval, she continued to dress how she wanted to.
In conclusion, family background and values lay a solid ground for the child’s future. They may change their views later on in life, but the basic principles ingrained since the early years remain the same.Submitted by dulskywork on
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task achievement
While the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument, consider expanding on the counter-argument in more detail to provide a more balanced discussion. This will demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is mostly cohesive, but there are minor areas where the flow can be improved. Transitional phrases and conjunctions could be used more consistently to further enhance coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are fully developed and supported by examples. While there are relevant specific examples, providing one or two more would strengthen your argument further.
task achievement
Clear, structured response to the prompt with a logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay effectively.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided to support the main points, making the argument more convincing.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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