IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You recently had a positive experience at a department store where a staff member was vey helpful to you. Write a letter to the store manager. In your letter, Mention which part of the store you visited Describe how the staff member assisted you Suggest what would you like the manager to do to reward their good services.

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am a frequent customer of your department store and I am writing
this
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 letter to express my satisfaction with the services that I received in the grocery and diary part from one of your employers, Marta. I am expecting a baby, thereby I have some difficulties moving around and carrying heavy goods. I was waiting in the cashier queue with an overloaded trolley
,
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 when a young and pretty woman came to me and recommended to assist me in unloading the trolley and putting all the items in plastic bags.
In addition
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, she helped me to take these heavy bags to the parking. I was really impressed by her actions and I think she should be rewarded for her good manners.
Therefore
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, I would like to suggest you
to
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add her name to the list of best workers of the month.
Moreover
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, it would be great if you could offer her a more suitable job at the store
,
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 because she is very smart and hardworking. Thank you for
kind
Correct pronoun usage
your kind
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 attention to
this
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 matter. I look forward to seeing her in a better position in the near future. Yours faithfully Toni Rose

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task achievement
Consider revising the introduction to include a more specific reason for your writing, such as the date of your visit. This could enhance the clarity of your message.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structure to make the letter more engaging. For instance, you could include a mix of complex and simple sentences.
task achievement
You clearly stated the purpose of your letter and provided specific details about the helpful staff member, which is excellent for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific idea, which aids in coherence and cohesion.
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