The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that thebest way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary area,it is an irrefutable fact that
,
there is an exponential surge of Remove the comma
apply
the
people who are facing Correct article usage
apply
the
obesity problems, which automatically increases the pressure on Correct article usage
apply
Add an article
the health
health care
sector. Some people Correct your spelling
healthcare
argued
that Wrong verb form
argue
this
issue can be resolved with the introduction of physical courses in the
schools. In my opinion, it would definitely work. Correct article usage
apply
This
essay will analyze my views along with
examples in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
with, availability
of physical education can Correct article usage
the availability
enhances
the knowledge of students related to their health. To explain, Change the verb form
enhance
the
numerous pupils are still not fully aware Correct article usage
apply
about
the food portions which they need to eat Change the preposition
of
for
maintain Change preposition
to
the
healthy body but through Correct article usage
a
this
subject educational institutes can create awareness among the learners, as
a result, they will prefer Correct word choice
and as
balanced
portion of diet rather than eating carbs only. Correct article usage
a balanced
For instance
, when I was in school, no one told us about vitamines
and proteins because of that I went through Correct your spelling
vitamins
obese
issues. Replace the word
obesity
However
, coaching centres can mitigate these obstacles through better teaching.
Furthermore
, with the help of these classes
teachers can motivate their trainees for more physical movements.In other Add a comma
classes,
world
, the curriculum of Correct your spelling
words
this
learning includes weekly races, and full participation in games like football, basketball as well
as
cricket. All these activities Correct word choice
and
useful
to burn extra calories, and Add a missing verb
are useful
as a result
, reduction in
the number of people who are unhealthy Wrong verb form
reduce
due to
their overweight. For example
, as per research
Add an article
the research
of
Change preposition
by
the
Correct article usage
apply
Harved
University, around 32 % institute of Europe add Correct your spelling
Harvard
this
section in
their syllabus and they get Change preposition
to
best
results with Correct article usage
the best
this
Correct determiner usage
these
efforts
.
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
To conclude
, although
schools provide information related to other crucial courses, which individuals can use get
Fix the infinitive
to get
better
job Add an article
a better
but
I believe it is Remove the conjunction
apply
duty
of Add an article
the duty
school
to spread awareness Add an article
the school
in
the Change preposition
among
learner
related to their physical health Fix the agreement mistake
learners
also
to protect them from different diseases.Correct word choice
and also
Submitted by arshkaurbrar on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clear punctuation marks and spacing. As seen, expressions like 'contemporary area,it is', 'motivetheir', need clear spacing.
coherence cohesion
Focus on more transitions and connectors for smoother readability. Addressed sufficiently but can be slightly more fluid.
task achievement
Try to avoid grammatical issues. Phrases like 'can enhances' and 'vitamines' need correction. Proofreading may help.
task achievement
Provide a broader range of examples. Examples enhance comprehensiveness and relate more specifically to points being addressed.
task achievement
Clear stance in the introduction paragraph with appropriate statements for contextual relevance.
coherence cohesion
Balanced and thoughtful conclusion aligned effectively with the argument presented.
task achievement
Provided relevant specific examples related to personal experience and external research which supports main points strongly.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!