IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first months after the birth of their babies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years, taking leave during pregnancy has become a pressing concern. It is argued that in many countries, females are eligible to take leave from their workplace during the initial months of their baby's birth. I believe that
this
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 issue has more benefits than drawbacks, which will be discussed in
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 essay. On the one hand, one major advantage of going on leave after giving birth is the time for postpartum recovery for mothers. It is believed from ancient times that women take six weeks to recover after their delivery, which is vital for the baby and the mother, leading to their better development.
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, in many Western countries, mothers are entitled to maternity leave to take care of their own and the baby's health, for which they are getting paid from their workplace. Another significant benefit is that mother are coming back to
work
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 more productively after spending time with their families, which contributes to more engagement in workplace activities.
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, many female workers experience improvement in their
overall
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 quality of life. Despite these benefits, taking maternity leave
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 has its drawbacks. A key issue is a decline in the performances of women in settling at their place of
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, which can lead to a disturbing environment.
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, it is seen that the majority of women who are coming back to
work
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 after spending months with their families
,
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 are finding it hard to concentrate more on their
work
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, negatively impacting the relations with staff members. In conclusion, it is beneficial for mothers to spend valuable time with their family members and the newborn during their recovery period, which can lead to a better relationship with their families. I again reaffirm that its merits are more than demerits.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider better structuring your paragraphs, ensuring each one has a clear main idea and supporting details. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes the main point you'll discuss.
Task Achievement
Make sure to provide a more balanced discussion by addressing the disadvantages of maternity leave more thoroughly. This could help strengthen your overall argument.
Task Achievement
Try to add more specific examples or statistics to support your points, making your argument more convincing and relevant.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and outlines what will be discussed, which is a strong start.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, such as the benefits of maternity leave in Western countries, helps to illustrate your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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