IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

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Health services are
one
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 of the fundamental sectors that should be affordable for everyone. but some companies are increasing the expense of it, making it less accessible for the average. l strongly believes that the negative aspects of it are far outright from significant benefits.
One
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 of the major drawbacks is the limitation of having easy access to hospitals for poor
people
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. when
people
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 can’t pay the cost of these services
instead
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 of following their healing path to regain their recovery, they prefer to ignore their process.
this
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 action not only reduces the level of the health system but
also
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 helps to spread disease, resulting in creating a sick community. Coved COVID-19 pandemic in the initial steps was
one
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 of the biggest instances,
due to
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 the high cost of its remedies most
people
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 passed away.
Moreover
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, it completely affects the quality of
care
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 based on money , during a time when
people
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 recognize based on their wealth commitment and humanity disappear and professional experts in the realm of medicine do their tasks based on payment , not the lessons that they learned during their university .
One
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 of the concerning issues about
this
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 phenomenon is the increase in the financial burden on families with low income. These
people
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 have to pay a
lot
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 of money so in order to reach their goals they have to put a significant amount of time a dedication into covering them, resulting in decreasing their efficiency .
Additionally
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, for these
people
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 level of fulfilment dramatically decreases.
Thus
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,
this
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 offers a
lot
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 of challenges to balance their life which results in an increase in a
lot
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 of mental problems. Some
people
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 argue that we have to create private places where
people
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 can receive advanced
care
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 without worrying about their level of health , and it should be an integral part of our plans if we want to enrich
this
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 system . I completely reject it
due to
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 the nurture of
this
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 system which strongly means offering the best
care
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 for everyone as it is the basic right of our life and neglecting it creates a
lot
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 of damage to
this
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 sector. In conclusion , medical
care
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 is
one
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 of the critical necessities that must be available for all
people
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 at a reasonable cost to enhance
this
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 realm a
lot
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 .

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task achievement
Clarify your main ideas; for instance, provide specific examples to support the claim about the negative impact on community health during the pandemic.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphs to structure your essay clearly and make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
task achievement
Try to expand on your arguments by providing examples and explanations for your claims, especially around financial burdens and mental health.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both sides of the argument, which is essential for this essay type.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear stance, which aids the reader's understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge technology
  • highly skilled professionals
  • patient experience
  • outcomes
  • personalized care
  • healthcare practitioners
  • competition
  • standards
  • government burden
  • public funds
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disparities
  • profitability
  • over-treatment
  • neglect
  • non-profitable cases
  • ethical concerns
  • financial status
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