IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, a lot of people enjoy watching TV. Do you think the advantages of watching sports on TV outweigh the disadvantages?

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At present, a large number of
people
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 love watching television. In my opinion, I consider that watching
sports
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 on
TV
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 can bring about more advantages for human beings compared to any problems it might bring. Despite the drawbacks below, I believe the benefits gained by watching
sports
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 on
TV
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 are extremely useful for audiences.
Firstly
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, many
people
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 who play a sport can improve their skills by watching
TV
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sports
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 shows again and again.
In other words
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,
people
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 can see the games that they are interested in more clearly and pick up some skills quickly.
Secondly
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, not all
sports
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 fans have the chance to attend
sports
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 events.
For instance
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, work commitments or financial constraints prevent some individuals from attending the current Olympic Games in Paris.
Hence
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, the only choice is to sit in front of the
TV
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 and watch their favourite team or sportsman play. Admittedly, there are some issues involved when
people
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 sit in front of a
TV
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 watching
sports
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 events. One problem is that
such
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 a practice can easily become an addiction that makes
viewers
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viewers'
viewer's
show examples
 bodies stiff and rusty.
For instance
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,
people
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 who are interested in watching football matches often sit on the couch for a few hours without being active, and if
this
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 keeps on going for a
while
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, it will affect them physically. Another negative aspect is that
TV
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 viewing is a passive activity often accompanied by compulsive consumption of junk food. The show draws our attention, causing us to ignore signals from our nervous system and stomach that suggest fullness, leading us to continue eating. I
To sum up
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, improving one's
sports
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 skills or watching the game without having to go live far outweighs any of the minor drawbacks that could result from watching
sports
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 on
TV
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.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt, providing both advantages and disadvantages, a more balanced discussion would enhance task achievement. Try dedicating equal space to discussing both sides.
task achievement
The essay lacks a bit of depth in argumentation. To score higher, consider exploring ideas in more detail and providing additional specific examples or case studies.
coherence cohesion
A few minor grammatical inaccuracies are present. Future essays could benefit from another round of proofreading to catch these errors.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitional phrases for better flow between paragraphs and ideas, ensuring each paragraph logically follows the one before.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer's viewpoint, setting up the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the viewpoint, providing a clear ending.
task achievement
The essay provides a variety of reasons and examples to support the main points, which strengthens the argument.
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